Hello My name is Vicente and I am writing this post from Mexico because I am desperate and I really don't know how I am going to be able to deal with my ideas and problems. A brief introduction about me. I am 28 years old, I live with my parents and my younger brother. I have a difficult environmet at home because my parents have a terrible marriage. They have had problems for many years and this has deffinetely affected me too. According to my mom, my dad has cheated since I was a kid and the worst period was when I was in highschool ince my mom complained with me about my dad's lovers all the time and I felt very bad. My dad has always been an explosive person that acts like he knows everything all the time and the rest of people are stupid. He hit me a few times when I was a kid and he also hit my mom several times. My mom on the other hand is hysterical, superficial and immature. About my brother, he is a good boy I guess, but he has never had to deal with my parents' problems. He has been in a bubble and has never got involved in my parents' problems. We also have a little dog that my brother brought 4 years ago that is cute, but he has made things even harder for me since I have become too attached to him and the idea of leaving him alone in the morning or not walking him every afternoon has prevented me from studying some courses or trying to find a job. Besides, my dog loves my dad a lot, he is his favorite member of my family and this has made my life even harder since my dad had tried to leave the house many times and I have had to interfere to avoid seeing my dog sad since my dad has left the house twice, the first time to make a trip and the second time after having a fight with my mom, and my dog got very sad, which made me feel terrible. I felt a black cloud over my head all the time. I really regret having let my brother keep the dog. My life would be much easier without him and my dad would have already left the house, which would have definetely improved my life. I would have avoided so many obsessive thoughts caused by my dad. Now talking about my mental problem, I have OCD and this condition has got worse in the last years and it just doesn't let me live. I stopped having a normal social life in November 2004 when I decided to stop going to college, stop going out with my friends and avoid being exposed to situations that made me feel anxious, sad, depressed, scared, etc. I have many obsessive thoughts that are triggered by different situations, such as not being able to solve a simple problem or real-life situation well, being yelled at, getting a bad joke, being insulted, having a fight, etc. I depeloped them when I was in high school one day I was walking accross my school's playground and I started thinking about how bad it could be for me to gain weight. A few seconds or minutes later I said to myself: How do you gain weight? By eating a lot. After this I started feeling hungry, like I had something in my mouth the whole day. Of course I wasn't really hungry, but I felt like I was. I was 16 years old when this happened and many more similar thoughts started to appear. I started feeling I couldn't talk with anybody, like I had lost all my conversation topics. This usually happened when I was in a party or when a very special even was coming. Next, I started feeling I didn't love anyone, that I couldn't play soccer, that I had to seat every time I left my house, etc. These thoughts became more and more frequent and more annoying until they finally made me stop going out and going to college. It's been 9 years since this happened and I am still struggling with these thoughts. I still don't go out, I finished college, but I just went on Saturdays to avoid seeing my friends and I don't have a job. It's impossible for me to function well because when I have tried to get a job or study during many hours during a day, I have got more anxious and my obsessive thoughts of feeling hungry and that I can't talk get worse immediately. The last two years have definetely been the worse ones because my conditions is terrible and I am stuck. This started in August 2012 when I had a verbal fight with a driver after he honked at me and pissed me off. I turned around and moved my hands to let him know I was angry. He just looked at me, put his finger on her head and told me I had to think fast. This drove me crazy and I didn't know what to do. When things like this happen to me I usually freeze and lots of ideas get into my head giving me a hard time to make decisions. I decided to look at him looking mad and kept driving. The problem is that a few minutes later I started regreting not having got out of my car to confront him. After this fight, my obsessive thought of feeling hungry started bothering and stayed with me during the next 8 months. This had never happened to me since my obsessive thoughts didn't usually last longer than 2 months. My thoughts have got stronger since this event and now I always feel something in my mouth with different levels of intensity depending on how I feel. My life got worse in May 23, 2013 when my dad got mad at my mom and told me I should follow her to witness that she was cheating on my dad. Even though I think my dad has no right to complain about this since he was the one that cheated on my mom at first. Anyway, my mom got home that afternoon and told me she had to pick up a little girl that was her student, my mom is an elementary school teacher, at the Dentist because her mom is blind and has a tumor. I decided to go with her to avoid seeing my dad upset and listening to his complaints, even though I was very mad at my mom because she had thrown away a can opener that belonged to my grandma and that I had rescued from the garbage can and put it in my closet. I consider these types of objects very valuable and I like to keep them to remember the good old times. Continuing with the story, we got to the dentist's office and I told my mom I wanted to get into the dentist office to meet the girl and give her the money to pay the appointment. I got in and I met her mom. She refused to take the money and told me she could take her daughter home in a taxi. I didn't give her the money and went out of the office. Then, my mom asked me if I had given her the money and when I said that I hadn't done it, she yelled at me. In that moment I got angry, but I froze. I just didn't know what to do because I didn't want to make a scene. I decided to speak up a little and told her to park the van. After this, she drove around the block and picked me up. I decided to yell at her, hit her van and ask her why she had yelled at me. The problem is that the damage was done. After she yelled at me I started feeling I didn't like the 90s anymore and that I was uncapable of feeling nostalgia. I also felt I had become an insensitive person and I didn't care about mistreated animals and things. I felt I had lost many characteristics of my personality. The most valuable possession I have is being able to remember the 90s and other passages of my life and feel nostalgic. I love watching old music videos and movies, surfing the net to find places that were popular back then and many other things. The fact of not feeling this anymore made me feel terrible. I just falt empty the whole day. I watched videos and sitcoms from the 90s and I felt nothing, which made me feel more misserable. The problem is that I still haven't been able to get rid of this though and now it's been 8 months since that tragic day for me. I started feeling nostalgic again in December and the first weeks of january, which made me extremely happy because I felt nostalgic over music videos and other 90s stuff again. Although not with the same intensity. In spite of this, I felt I had a hope and that it was possible for me to get my love from the past back. The problem is that I almost had a psysichal fight on January 17 and this made me lost this nostalgia again. Everything started in the afternoon when I went to a little business owned by an old man to buy tickets to participate in a soccer pool organized by the mexican government. The old man was rude when I asked him if he had a poster with information about the teams in order to get a guideline and fill my pool better. I decided to not buy these tickets from him and left his little store. The problem is that his rudeness started giving me obsessive thoughts and getting me angry when I was in my car. I decided to go back to his business an hour later to confront him. I went in and started yelling at him. He yelled back at me and suddenly his son went out of a little room to yell at me too and asked me to leave. I started arguing with both of them, but my mind started getting weak. I started feeling I didn't know what to say, that this might end up in a physichal fight that could give me more obsessive thoughts and problems. I just froze again and the old man suddenly told me: What do you want then? A fight? Come on then. And he pushed me. His son got between us to avoid the fight and I didn't know what to do. I said to myself: If you punch him his son could punch you and he is taller and stronger than you. I also felt worried, embarrassed and scared. We ended up outside his store and I told him I was going to kick his ass. The problem is that at this pont I felt like a coward and that I had lost my fight against them, which made me yell at the old man very loud to tell him that if he touched me again I was going to beat the hell out of him. H just looked down and avoid eye contact for a few seconds. Then, he went inside his store and got a broomstick. He threatened me with it while his son took it away from him. He then told me that he also had a gun If I wanted one. I decided to stay there and answer his threats. The old man finally gave up and went indide. I ended up having a conversation with his son, sho asked me several times to leave to stop the fight and even apologize to me. I decided to leave, but I wan't happy and I immediately started to feel I had lost my capacity to feel nostalgic. I have been anxious and worried since this day and I don't know how to solve this problem in my head. I just didn't like the fact the old man pushed me and I am traumatized. I have thought about coming back to punch him, but I know that if I do this I am going to have to fight with his son or maybe other people, and If I lose, the consequences could be terrible. On top of that, today I had a fight with my dad that is making me feel terrible. It started when my shower got blocked in the morning, which made me think there was a big bubble in my pipes, but it turned out to be the shower. It was blocked. I went downstairs and told my dad it was the shower, which made him go to my bathroom to fix it. The problem is that he made me feel the solution was obvious, which made me feel dumb. I wanted to check the shower myself to fix it, but I felt very anxious in the morning and I just couldn't think straight. This has happened to me a lot of times with my dad and I usually have a lot of mental blockages that make me feel stupid. I can't solve simple problems that are obvious and I don't know why. Every time I have to come up with a solution my mind gets blocked and I just don't seem to be able to see all the options I have. Now I feel the black cloud over my head again and I feel anxious and hungry. I feel that now every time I use my shower I am going to remember my dad. I am desperate and I need help. I don't know what to do anymore. I would really appreciate some advice. Thank you very much