Anxiety and paranoia..........
Hi everyone, just posting here to see if anybody can help give me any tips or experiences on trying to deal with anxiety which I believe has been brought on by my situation of being in limbo. I unfortunately do not have a definitive MS diagnosis yet (if ever I do get one) and the two neuros who I have seen this year have both said that although MS does look 99% likely, it is in their words "mild and not very active". This means that I do not qualify for DMDs, which I probably wouldn't take at this stage anyway and I feel like I am being left alone untill I have another episode. My neuro has told me that unless I have another "disabling attack" I will remain with the current diagnosis. I have bad days, where I get blurred vision and other numbness over parts of my body and pretty bad brain fog, but its not what I would call disabling and therefore do not report it. I have in the past, but have always been told to just to go and see my GP about it.
I know that I should take the "mild diagnosis" as good news, but I do feel as though this last 13 months has been a complete nightmare for me. I have had to tell the DVLA, my employer and other close friends about my "possible" condition and deep down inside I feel very vulnerable in and around other people. I have, become very paranoid and am constantly thinking that people are talking about me or always looking at me. I feel as people are laughing at me. I have come to the point that I struggle to go out nowadays as I fear people stareing at me. I keep feeling as though I must look differently nowadays and something about me must have changed, as i never used to get these looks untill recently. It is driving my wife nuts and is making her very upset as my actions have started to become very strange. I have been looking at old photos of myself and comparing them to ones now, just to see if I can pinpoint the reason why I think people are stareing.
My family tell me I look no different to how I used to look and that whenever they have been out with me, they have never noticed anybody stareing.
All of this has also led to me suffering from insomnia and I am currently taking sleeping tablets to try to help me get to sleep at night. I don't think that I have slept for more that 4 hours in about two months now. My mind won't switch off and I keep trying to think of solutions for this problem. I have been off wrok now for two weeks and my employer is starting to get fed up with me. As I am not definate MS yet, I don't think I have the disabilltiy law protection which other diagnosed MSers get and this worries me.
By the way, up untill now, I have never, ever suffered form any mentally realted illness or lack of sleep whatsoever. I have always been a really strong person who normally shrugs off negative comments and I have never became a hermit in my own home afraid to go out. This whole episode came on gradually over the last couple of months and I am hopeing that it will do one soon.
I will be thankful of any advice or to hear any experiences from others if they have suffered a simillar thing.
Thank you
First things first, have a read through this website:- http://www.mssociety.org.uk/what-is-ms/types-of-ms/relapsing-remitting-rrms . A further episode, which could confirm the diagnosis, does NOT have to be disabling. It is just the presence of new symptoms. Second, see your Doctor again and explain honestly what's been going on in your life, the paranoia and lack of sleep. It sounds like there may be a need for some anti-depressant type help. No, I'm not suggesting that you start a life of pill-popping. You might just need a bit of help at this point in time. As for the paranoia, MS can be referred to as the invisible condition. There can be no outwardly visible signs! Now, MS isn't something that the general public know much about, so they may be wondering why you mention suspected MS and you're not in a wheelchair! Well, MS doesn't mean a wheelchair! Now, having brought to your attention what is and isn't a relapse, I would recommend that you start keeping a diary of symptoms that may, or may not, be associated with your suspected MS. This would give your Neuro a bit of a clinical history to help his diagnostic process. Limboland is never a good place, as you never know where you may be going. But, you do need the support of the medical professionals, who may be a bit reticent in helping, due to other considerations, e.g. budgets. All you can do is keep asking the questions to try and obtain a diagnosis. For this, you need to be assertive, but always remain polite. I'll assume that you've had an MRI scan of your brain, and possibly your spine. Any other tests?
Hi Stumbler Thanks for the reply. I've kept a symptom list and produced it to the neuro, he dismissed most of the list stating that the issues I recorded over 6 months were mainly sensory and not enough to warrant classing as a relapse. As for the anti depressants, I would rather not have to take them if i'm honest. I hope that some of the paranoia that I have is down to lack of sleep and will pass in time, once my sleeping returns to normal. I have recently had a lumbar puncture which showed O bands, MRI with lesions on brain and spine, I am at the moment waiting for the results of recent electrical nerve tests and also waiting for an MRI scan with contrast to come through the door. Hopefully, I might get some answers soon. I'm just hopeing that I can keep hold of my job and get over this.