@ruggermad

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ruggermad

Anxiety and paranoia..........

Hi everyone, just posting here to see if anybody can help give me any tips or experiences on trying to deal with anxiety which I believe has been brought on by my situation of being in limbo. I unfortunately do not have a definitive MS diagnosis yet (if ever I do get one) and the two neuros who I have seen this year have both said that although MS does look 99% likely, it is in their words "mild and not very active". This means that I do not qualify for DMDs, which I probably wouldn't take at this stage anyway and I feel like I am being left alone untill I have another episode. My neuro has told me that unless I have another "disabling attack" I will remain with the current diagnosis. I have bad days, where I get blurred vision and other numbness over parts of my body and pretty bad brain fog, but its not what I would call disabling and therefore do not report it. I have in the past, but have always been told to just to go and see my GP about it. I know that I should take the "mild diagnosis" as good news, but I do feel as though this last 13 months has been a complete nightmare for me. I have had to tell the DVLA, my employer and other close friends about my "possible" condition and deep down inside I feel very vulnerable in and around other people. I have, become very paranoid and am constantly thinking that people are talking about me or always looking at me. I feel as people are laughing at me. I have come to the point that I struggle to go out nowadays as I fear people stareing at me. I keep feeling as though I must look differently nowadays and something about me must have changed, as i never used to get these looks untill recently. It is driving my wife nuts and is making her very upset as my actions have started to become very strange. I have been looking at old photos of myself and comparing them to ones now, just to see if I can pinpoint the reason why I think people are stareing. My family tell me I look no different to how I used to look and that whenever they have been out with me, they have never noticed anybody stareing. All of this has also led to me suffering from insomnia and I am currently taking sleeping tablets to try to help me get to sleep at night. I don't think that I have slept for more that 4 hours in about two months now. My mind won't switch off and I keep trying to think of solutions for this problem. I have been off wrok now for two weeks and my employer is starting to get fed up with me. As I am not definate MS yet, I don't think I have the disabilltiy law protection which other diagnosed MSers get and this worries me. By the way, up untill now, I have never, ever suffered form any mentally realted illness or lack of sleep whatsoever. I have always been a really strong person who normally shrugs off negative comments and I have never became a hermit in my own home afraid to go out. This whole episode came on gradually over the last couple of months and I am hopeing that it will do one soon. I will be thankful of any advice or to hear any experiences from others if they have suffered a simillar thing. Thank you