Relationship Stress
MS is stressing. We MSers know that first hand. Unfortunately seems that my boyfriend of 6 years is only now realizing that.
We have been fighting a lot and he has said very hurtful things to me. Its true that he apologizes when his temper has cooled off but truth is that for the past few months we hardly ever speak unless it is about /his/ projects or he is yelling at me about things I unfortunately have no control over.
That along with my migraines and insomnia (both hormonal and stress health related), my other health problems - yes because apparently MS isnt the only thing I might have to worry about both now and in the future - is making me feel worse by the day.
Apart from some brain fog/harms&legs discoordination/memory lapses/dizzy spells I usually can be kind of independent but then there's other times when fatigue gets a hold of me that I need help to get from the bed to the bathroom.
My boyfriend used to be pretty helpful, 'understanding' and made me feel better about needing help but nowadays it feels the complete opposite.
Falling down suddenly is almost a normal thing for me, if Im alone I either crawl to bed or the sofa and wait a bit till my legs cooperate again, if he is home he /used/ to help me up and take me to bed or the sofa till I recuperate without me asking him help which nowadays I have to if I want him to help. Unfortunately lately the whole 'caregiver' role seems to be taken its tole on him and our relationship has taken a turn for the worse.
I still love him dearly but feel we arent a couple anymore, more like Im simply the one to take the brunt of his temper while he helps me /sometimes/.
I wish I could get someone to help around the house and help me when I need it to take that off his shoulders but unfortunately I live in a country where they help with close to nothing unless you have more than 60% impairment.....I only have about 40% on the worse days so for me that only means I get Tysabri for free and nothing else, no monetary help for the other drugs I need whatsoever nor anyone to make things easier for me at home nor anything else for that matter.
Im stressed out and to help matters all my docs (GP, Neuro, Psychologist) agree that Im relapsing on my depression. If now I barely can help around the place how will I manage with the meds the psychiatrist will be sure to prescribe me next week or the week after??
Sorry for venting....its just I have a lot on my plate right now and this is only a fraction of whats been going on. =(
@Hayla , you need to vent to get these things off your chest. MS may be an individual's condition, but the impact affects anyone whose close. In your case, it's like having a relationship, where three people are involved. As we know, MS can be restrictive and frustrating for us. But, those same restrictions and frustrations are also felt by our partners. As you know, this can lead to introducing stress into the relationship. And stress seems to be an antagonist to MS and is best avoided. The two of you need to talk about this, so you can join forces against the MS. If you continue to fight each other, MS will be the winner.
Problem is he gets angry whenever the MS gets mentioned @Stumbler . He cant accept that it is happening to /me/ of all people and how unfair it is to see me so dependent/vulnerable at times (and those are his words). Plus I think my attitude and acceptance of it (MS) and all the drawbacks also 'infuriates' him a bit. I try to go by without his help even when I should ask for it (when I have to wash my hair for example) because I know it hurts him to see me so vulnerable but it also hurts me how he lashes out about it at times. Wish we lived closer to my family or that we had someone to help me and around the house so it wouldn't all fall on him because nowadays with all the stress, insomnia and migraines Im pretty much useless, but as money is tight (I have no gov help and my family can only help so much due to to cost of the meds I have to take on a daily basis for pain and whatnot) and Im afraid this might be the end of us sooner or later....and thats what hurts the most. ='(