@sarahshift

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sarahshift

Missing the boat...

Hey all... I've been asked to share this by a member. They got in touch with me after we sent the members newsletter out the other week and it featured our two films, Gallop and Belong. "I watched your two videos on MS relationships (Gallop and the one with Kanye West and they are inspirational. However, it seems I missed the boat with Gallop. Sad as it is in my case and having MS for 15 years I never thought I had to find that special person who would accept and be there for me. Sure in those years I had a few girlfriends but like Gallop I never accepted that I was that anyone would understand my illness and stick with me. Sadly in hindsight, they did accept me but but sadly I pushed them away because I truly believed they were not understanding what it would be to handle a person with MS. Now present and foresight, I know I screwed up. Because in the last two years I have gotten worse with gait and heat issue. The point I'm trying to make is I missed the boat. I have big issues with heat which in turn makes my gait worse. Again in my MS for most my years I was playing golf almost everyday usually walking the courses with my clubs on my back 36 holes for many years and cross training twice a week on the most difficult (and dangerous) runs imaginable. Here is what is sad now. I never thought it would get worse as it has. So when I say I "missed the boat", I truly did miss the boat. I seemed to have confounded myself to my home. And this is the saddest part, I rarely visit, of even know how to meet another girl since I seemed to have become a recluse. That saddens me know. I have unknowingly took my self out of a relationship with another because I rarely see anyone. So this is a warning to others with MS. Please don't be stubborn as I was, believe that when your other half tells you she or he can take the journey with you don't be stubborn as I was, because I missed the "boat". If a person has by their words accepted you please believe them. You don't have time are unlimited chances. Grab onto that person and hold tight. A quick history of me pre-MS; I was a very avid sand volleyball player,was in ski patrol, was a jet ski racer, a career Firefighter a race car driver and so much more. These fun stuff I eventually came to accept one by one that the fun and games were over. And everyone else needs to come to reality and wisely plan for the future of things to come. You may or I hope you do, post my letter to you as a warning to not miss the boat." I'm sure you'll all appreciate the members honesty and I'm happy to pass on any thoughts to the member via email as I don't think they use the site regularly so may not see them. Thanks Sarah

Stumbler

@Stumbler

That is so sad. The poor guy may have missed the boat, but there's more than one way to get over, or under a sea! MS can be isolating, if we allow it too. It is down to us to make the effort, as hard and as logistically challenging it may be. MS can make us "socially unacceptable", i.e. awkward to be with. And that's down to us too. We have to be masters of our own destiny. And, everyone's MS is different. I would hope that, with today's medical advances, a position of isolation will be the furthest option for most people.

matt-p

@matt-p

Omg I can relate to what the letter says I'm 35 and although I can get around confidence to go out and chat and meet people has been hit so badly that I tend to stay in I know that this isn't the good thing to do but have never met someone of similar age to talk to about all the ms issues and what they do to your confidence deep down keep telling myself to use this site more but really do wish that a app could be created for it thanks for listening

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@matt-p , like I say, we have to be masters of our own destiny. It's down to us to get our there and grab life, because it won't come to us. See if there's a MS Treatment Centre near you, or a branch of the MS Society and get involved with other people. It took me years to go to my local MS Treatment Centre, but I'm now a regular visitor, 2-3 times a week. It may be full of chronically sick people, but it has such a happy vibe! Use this map to see what's close to you:- http://www.mstrust.org.uk/information/services/

Smackie25

@Smackie25

Best advice I've heard in a long time!! ?❤️

Ahmed

@Ahmed

I am at the other end of this story. Though I am still in my 20's I already have a family. Fiancee, one son and a daughter on the way. This might sound bad, but I sometimes regret I made this commitment, I am not sure how well I am gonna be in the future or whether I can provide and care for them. I don't want my children to care of me, I want to take care of them. My greatest fear is if I am any burden on them. Sorry about my ramblings.

cameron

@cameron

Such sad stories - but remember that people lose partners, split up, quarrel, divorce etc for all manner of reasons. By that I mean don't beat yourself up about it. It might have happened without the MS and for a completely different reason.... I'm cynical but am coming to believe that there are an awful lot of people out there who are in deeply unhappy relationships. A lot of my friends are divorced and about the same number really should be..... We are who we are.

reddivine

@reddivine

I'm with George, and listen up AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. I have had MS for over 20 years. Been married, divorced (the reason being nothing to do with MS). Then I tried internet dating...(well when you are past 40, in a new town, single woman theres not much else) Long story short...I met my current partner, who also has health problems. He's been with me 4 years and seen me go from 1 stick, to 2 sticks to using a wheelchair outside. We are very happy, and would be happier still if we could move into accessible home, bur thats another story. I'm 58 so its NEVER too late. So the original guy can't do extreme sports anymore...time to find a new interest. As George says (paraphrasing here!) life may be shite, but if you have Love and can laugh at the crap life throws at you. you will get thru. No one said it will be a picnic.

Ahmed

@Ahmed

Say what you wanna say but a diagnosis of MS can change your identity. For some people not much, for others its a complete overhaul. And your partner might have to adapt with the new you. Its not how able or fit you are, its just the psychological aspect of it. Your current state of mind. And the ability to cope. Some people are 100% fit and they are miserable all the time, others are bed bound and are happy about life. No body wants to be with someone who is miserable and whiny all the time. I think that is where most problems start. Now, this might negate with my previous post.

Tabbycat

@Tabbycat

colon before a list when the list contains phrases not single items . Colon to balance a long sentence containing two equal halves, but if in doubt use a full stop. Punctuation is just breathing on paper. Read what you have written aloud, when your voice drops, put in comma ; when you breath, put in a semi colon; when you do both, put in a colon and when you clear your throat, put in a full stop! Keep breathing!!