Disappointed
In March I was diagnosed with MS at 25. Yesterday I was diagnosed with Lichen Planopilaris, an autoimmune type of hair that is also incurable and causes permanent scarring. I’m trying to keep my head up but I’ve been knocked down so many times this year. Everything has been taken away from me. I’m watching my peers achieve their dreams, get married, have kids etc while my life continues to fall apart. I’m just so disappointed with the downwards trajectory of my life and would do anything to rewind time. I already felt almost like a burden pre-diagnosis but now my heart just physically hurts. I don’t have many friends or family and they don’t understand because I put on a brave face not to alarm them. I was always scared of never find a partner because getting diagnosed but now I just think I’m unlovable and I don’t want to pull anyone down with me. I guess the reason I am writing this is to just write my thoughts down. Has anyone been through similar and come out the other side happy?
Well done for reaching out and sharing your thoughts/experience! It sounds like a really difficult time for you and it can seem like a no win situation. I do feel some empathy as I can relate to familiar parts of your post; the masking especially 😔 I've started to realise that I need to share more of my vulnerability to those closest to me, to be able to share the fears and worries so it's not all on me; it definitely helps to disperse some of the burden on you, and your friends/family won't see it as taking on a burden but relieving you of some of that weight on your shoulders. Always happy to talk if you need to ❤️ As for love, you are far from unlovable! You are worthy of love and it will find you in the most unexpected ways. It's your belief that you feel unlovable not other peoples belief, love comes in so many wonderful shapes and forms and it doesn't discriminate you because of your health. I can tell you now, you ARE lovable, from your strengths and your vulnerabilities to your abilities and disabilities. You are you, and you are amazing and worthy of so much more than you perceive yourself to be! It takes time but you will find your way ❤️ I've felt similar and have wondered why on earth my husband is still with me, how can he possibly love me and stay by my side when I'm becoming the person I am and holding us back... But somehow he just loves me more for it all and it makes us stronger. Reaching out is a great first step, are you able to reach out for some counseling or talk therapy? I'm not sure what it's like in the US, but we have charities we can reach out to in the UK (like 'Mind' or 'Let's Talk'). Sending hugs and strength your way xx
Because you are only recently diagnosed it will all be so overwhelming. I completely understand how you feel. I felt like that when I was diagnosed and thought I'd never meet anyone because I thought why be with a girl with ms when you could have someone healthy but I've been with my husband for nearly 12 years and I have a nearly 10 year old son. You absolutely can do everything that you want to do in life, I promise. It just won't feel like it at the moment x