The last few weeks have been hard as I face severance at work on medical grounds, plenty to worry about, so a few (well maybe more than a few) words to explain it all..... At present I am in limbo land, waiting for dates and final decisions regarding my future. Ill health retirement or severance on medical grounds? Likely to be the latter for various reasons. But, that does mean that if I want to, and can do, I could find another role, but would have to only be one or two days a week max and flexible enough to manage with the MS. All sorts of worries are keeping me awake each night, along with trying not to get addicted to sleeping tablets... All came to a head again the other night, more self-harming. Something I would have dismissed even a year ago, but I stand before you now having had another relapse. Why do I do it? Good question wish I had the perfect answer, but I don't. Yes, I have my Faith, the temptation is sometimes just too much being in pain to take the pain away, and it’s real, very real as I'm in it right now. The thoughts and worries keep coming and keep building, so the questions are; What's going to happen? – In limbo How are my finances going to pan out? – In limbo What extra support is available? - In limbo How am I going to cope? In limbo What impact s this have on me, my family? – In limbo Where does God fit in with all of this? – In limbo (for me) The, what’s, where’s and the how’s, so many more questions all fighting for a bit of my time. All the above and more are worries, and most of them as per the worry tree are not what I can affect, that's what I'm finding so hard to do, to give them up and not worry. I'm trying to pray about, and yes getting some peace. Trying to accept letting go of control and take the blessings along with the battles... Some days I'm so lost, others found...I never know which it's going to be. But come rain or shine, I'm still here, so while I'm here I have a purpose. I have been blessed by the way I have been looked after at work, yes there may be some errors here and there in these final fraught days before decisions are finally made, but I am at peace to a degree with what the outcomes may be... God's got this, and he is much bigger and better than me, some of you may not believe, but I would not be here now if it wasn't for my Faith. Yes I have been stupid at times, but God has always been there for me along with my wife and family. However, I am still in limbo land sporting a black eye following on from my latest relapse. I’m certainly off the beaten track here and with Gods help navigating my way through, but certainly not in my own strength… Soon to be new chapters in life…………. Need to stay positive https://fightingms.uk if you would like to read more