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Hi all, well it’s been a strange year

I’m a new member needing a bit of a rant 😀. I,m 49. Lost my hubby to cancer at the start of the year. Starting treatment MS. Yes I have bad sad days, but on the whole I am coping well. My mobility is poor, but am fiercely independent and hope to stay the same for as long as possible. I work full time in IT from home which works well. I live in a rural close knit community with lots of family and friends close by. I have always been the kind of person who doesn’t hold things in….I vent/rant as my steam valve release, and then I don’t dwell in things, I move on. However because of all that’s happened this year my friends and family have forgotten my usual ways. I have become the poor woman who lost her husband and now dealing with MS, so being smothered by people wanting to fix things…. I can’t help how people feel…. But anyone got any tips to help people remember me and see past the misfortune. I’m trying desperately hard not to be rude and seem ungrateful. I know this is not a bad problem to have, it’s nice that people care…. I don’t want to start bottling things up, that isn’t me, but perhaps I should so that people who should know me well don’t feel the need rescue me. My poor dog will be putting his paws over his ears 😀. Vent/rant over, thank you 🙃

@Ellswills I think the approach that I would use with folk, is just be honest with them, like you've explained in this group. Be calm, polite and firm. Explain to your friends/family that whilst you appreciate their caring for you, you find it way too smothering! Explain that you're not 'the poor woman who lost her husband and is now dealing with MS' and tell them how you wish to be treated by them going forward. They probably think that they're doing the best thing for you and are looking after you. So it's well intentioned and comes from a good place. They can only stop their behaviour, when they know you have a problem with it. So it's time to be calm, polite and direct! Break out the pyramid of Ferrero Roché, if you need to! Lol Just be honest with them about how you feel, and the annoyance will stop.


Thank you, quite right.