@susanwhite123

Last reply

susanwhite123

hi everyone

im sick of my family telling me that i should do this and that .i try telling them i can not do it aneymore and it seems they dow;t understand me.i feel tierd all the time.when my mother.shes 83 years old. she wonts me to do everything .she wonts me with her all the time but when i say no i can not do wot she wonts me to do. she takes the funnys with me . iv tryed telling her but she downt understand. yes i do look after my house and my garden all my self.and she come to see me then she says well you can do this and that for yourself . but she lives 3 miles away from me and i have a scooter. but its so cold on it at the mowment i downt like going to far on it and she wont be told .i do have 3 brothers but they work , i have one brother he got arthritise all over and he gos takes her shopping,and wot ever but im the only girl.so she wonts me with her all the wail or as i say she takes the funneys with me wot can i do she gets me down so much i hide from her sometimes. and i no its wrong.iv stop going out with my friends. a long wail ago. so now iv lost them. i have a lovey family myself and a lovey husbend but the husbend has gon away from me we are not close no more. he says he likes it that way. i feel lost wot am i doing wrong

Stumbler

@Stumbler

There's a phrase that partially explains the situation that you find yourself in :- "A boy grows up, gets married and becomes a husband; A daughter grows up, gets married and stays a daughter"! So, I think we can all understand the predicament that you find yourself in. As with all things MS, you can only do what you can do and when you can do it. And, you have to put yourself and your own family before your Mum. I know what you mean too about your husband going away from you. I have a similar situation with my wife. We might be the ones with MS, but it has a detrimental effect on the entire family unit. Have a read through these publications, http://www.mstrust.org.uk/shop/products.jsp?catid=47 , and see if they provide any advice and guidance.

susanwhite123

@susanwhite123

Thank You

cameron

@cameron

Susan, you're doing your best. If that best isn't good enough for those round you, too bad. It's not your fault, so don't let anyone persuade you that it is. xxx

Cazzzzzy

@Cazzzzzy

Hi Susan ... Poor you, that really is far too much pressure put on you ... I realise that your mother is elderly and I'm sure it must be hard for her to see her daughter with MS but maybe she could read up on just how MS effects someone and how debilitating it can all be!? Your other brothers should also maybe read up on MS and pull their weight more? You are not doing anything wrong, they should maybe ask themselves that question :? .... Sorry to sound harsh about your family but I know looking after yourself is a full time job in itself so you don't need added pressures that can be avoided... You need to avoid stress! I really hope things get easier for you! xxx

susanwhite123

@susanwhite123

Thanks for getting back to me.Iv tryd leaving info around for her to read. and iv tryd talking to her but she says she understands, but when look at her I no she doset. i no she trys bless her. but as im talking to aney member of my family.i feel like they saying {yer wev herd it all befor ] if aneyone knows wot i mean by that.so when i say i downt feel to well or im sorry but i can not do that for you i feel i should not say aneything and try be as nurmal as posabull . then i haveing an off day and so no they think ho well, im sorry im wrighting all this but i feel there is no one elce.for me to talk to .well just like to say we all keep going .there is worse people out there than me lol keep smiling thanks x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@susanwhite123 , never apologise for getting things off your chest. This forum can be a release valve and it's better to let off steam here rather than further strain things at home. It is difficult to get other to understand, but have a read of this post, https://shift.ms/topic/describing-your-ms-symptoms/ . It attempts to define our symptoms in ways that others may understand.

Tiggermum

@Tiggermum

Hi Susan. Be strong. Women are often stronger than men. We have to be, as we take everything onboard for everyone. MS is another disease like depression. Often you cant see the symptoms, but they are there. People dont understand unless they are affected themselves, and then they shout it from the hills! Reading your comment about your husband, and Stumblrs about his wife makes ME realise just how lucky I am with my husband. He may disappear for weeks to the other side of the world, but when he is back he couldnt be more attentive (that is when he isnt working!!). So, again Susan be strong, and just ramble away on here and let us take the pain away for you. There's lots of us to share each others pain and anguish.

susanwhite123

@susanwhite123

thank you. im going to try and stand up for myself.i think and tell them more about ms. and see if they take notice of me.but thank you for the coments,you made me feel better in myself thenk you xx

T

@T

Hi Susan, It's not nice to read that this has been happening, when MS can be stressful enough as it is. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor/therapist to explore strategies to address the issue in an assertive yet non-confrontational way? I know from experience that adjustment in people's expectations of you can be very hard (sometimes they don't understand that you can't do everything in the same way that you used to) but I've found it very useful. It's also useful in helping to avoid the whole "feeling guilty" about having MS thing. Hope things improve soon x

Cazzzzzy

@Cazzzzzy

Hi Susan ... I'm so glad you found this site as you will find lots of understanding and it's a good place to rant - much healthier to get the anger out somehow than to keep it in! And yes I was also gonna say that you musn't apologise, it's good that you can vent! :D I do totally understand how families can cause upset and I hope they really listen to you and become more thoughtful xxx

susanwhite123

@susanwhite123

hi menny thanks for your feed back. how do i get to see a counsellor . i downt feel as i need one at the mowment,but it be nice to have a no how to see one.at the mowment i feel iv got the serport.on here. i feel a lot better. iv talked to people now and they seem a bit better towords me, so i think its working for me. so thanks for the help,and serport you gave my.xx

Cazzzzzy

@Cazzzzzy

Great you're finding this place helpful and you are feeling better! :D ... Everyone here will understand, remember you're not alone! You could talk to your GP about counselling maybe, they'd be able to refer you to someone! I'm also glad people are seeming better towards you after speaking with them, it really is great that you've found talking helped! :) xxx

T

@T

Definitely you can talk to your GP about counselling. In my area there is a self-referral system to an NHS-linked counselling service, so you don't even need a GP referral, just fill out a form and they contact you!

r-jay

@r-jay

I just want to say your hi everyone and im hello everyone,maybe coz ur midlands and im London who knows but hello Susanwhite123 R jay

susanwhite123

@susanwhite123

hi R jay hows you doing .hope your ok . im from notts as you can see ,so nice to see you on here. im new on here only a week or so. but i find it great for meeting people knowing they no wot im on about lol.there been lovly to me. and i hope you get the same welcome as i have, so hello again.

r-jay

@r-jay

Hello, Just wanted to say hi,as they say in the USA,have a nice day.if I was to be honest people seem to be intense about there condition and I don't know if I wanna keep looking at if's and but's and where I might be oneday.ijust wanted to say hi and now I say bye,Peace R jay

lucinda

@lucinda

Hi Susan, I read your message, it's so hard, everyone seems to say what you can and can not do, know one understands, it's very hard when you have loved ones, you seem to need to have to put what they need first. Counselling would really help, it would help you relax and will help you focus on yourself and your needs a little bit more, it really helps with me. :)