Not looking for advice, just in need of a rant, I hope I don't accidentally bring your day down. For 25 years I was an incredibly active person. I spent most of my time outside and I worked in outdoor activities, teaching high ropes, sailing, canoeing and kayaking. I regularly went to the gym and throughout my life I have played tennis, practiced kung fu and kick boxing, taken part in a boxing match and spent a long time becoming a sword fencer. There are countless other things I've used my body for, but you get the idea. My body was my transport, my tool, my whole life. More recently, I discovered social dancing and that became my life. Then in December 2019 I lost everything. I lost the ability to walk, to move my arms, to see properly, to think properly, everything. I spent my 26th birthday in hospital as well as Christmas, New Year and each and every one of my family's birthdays. The only thing that got me through that time was the (perhaps slightly erroneous) knowledge that I would recover back to my old self, if only for a time. Recovery took far longer than expected and has been a continuous uphill battle with both my body and my brain. I have continued to relapse and fight it off and even though I've slowly improved it has felt like every step forwards comes with half a step back. I haven't liked the effect that such stagnation has had on me, both body and mind. I've gone from having a 6 pack for most of my life to a slight pot belly and I've lost my bum and chest, those were my three best features! I've spent so much time on my phone, scrolling through social media that I've become a bad person online. I'm ashamed of some of the arguments I've had and some of the things I've said because of my anonymity behind a phone screen. But things have been improving. Today I walked to my local corner shop on my own without a crutch and bought myself some chocolate and a local homeless man some lunch. The last time I went to that shop was a few weeks ago and it literally took me over an hour and twenty minutes. This time it took me about 20. I still get tired at the end of the day and my sensation is terrible, it feels like my very molecules are being vibrated every time I I walk anywhere or get tired. But I'm doing it, I'm improving and I'm going to get better. I'm taking my first initial steps back into dancing and I feel with these improvements that there is a future for me. It makes me eager to push myself and try my best to see what I can achieve... ... ...and then THIS happens. My dance school shuts down and, through a desire to protect me, won't let me invite students to my own house (I understand their concern, of course). Everybody is worried about me and telling me to self isolate. I have to consider whether I want to continue my Ocravus infusion, being only halfway through my first treatment. My girlfriend is about to start working from home and will doubtless caution me on being safe and staying away from people (she's right of course). It feels like I got a glimpse of my old freedom just to have that threatened and taken away by the people who care about me. This isn't anyone's fault, nobody is doing the wrong thing, it's just bad timing. But it's left me angry, helpless (again) and afraid: afraid I might make the wrong decision regarding my treatment, afraid I might catch Covid-19, afraid that all this inactivity is having long-term affects on my health, afraid that my frustration might lead to my losing a friend or upsetting someone I care about. Basically, fuck Covid-19, fuck isolation, fuck inactivity, fuck not being able to move in the ways you want to and FUCK MS! OK I'm done. I don't expect anyone to have read this far and if you have then I sincerely hope you find something happy to do next and I haven't bought you down too much. Don't feel sorry for me because my situation isn't nearly as bad as other's and I feel a little better for writing this. Mainly, I'm just a bit of an attention whore :p Have a lovely day and I hope You're MS story has a happy ending as well as many happy middles :)