This is something I'm sure everyone feels in life, at one point or another. Sadly for me it'd a feeling I experience daily. I have so much anger towards myself for having MS. You see my entire childhood was full of trauma. When I finally thought I was free from my past and the pain that I survived... only to be DXed at 19. What the actual fuck? That has been my reaction ever since. I have had MS for 18 years now. I just started the last MS available to me in hopes to slow down my MS progression. Honestly all I want in the world is to see my babies grow up. To be able to be an active participant in their lives. Yet I'm stuck worrying about dying from some kind of infection. I have had a doctor tell me I had less than 48 hours to live once in my life. 5 years ago I went septic due to a bladder infection that went to my kidneys then into my bloodstream. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital then I spend 3 years in a bed after fighting for my life. I never want to do that again. Now if I could only convince my mind to not worry every day about dying that would be great! Also why can't finding a therapist be easier? There seems to be no one around to talk to. Why? Mental health is important. I need a therapist so badly.