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How it all started. Who have I become?

I’ve always felt off balance ot had little to no balance. As a young child/teen I suffered from clustered mirgarines which had symptoms of blurred vision, numbness, impaired speech, even paralzation on the left side. The “episiodes” got better once I got glasses but I was always afraid of getting headaches as it could easily turn to a nightmare. Years later, actually late 2015, I was in a car accident which my car was totaled and I was rushed by ambulance. No major injuries however, they found 2 hernias on L3-L4 and L4-L5 of my spine (lower back) (this was the first time I started having lower back pain). They said they couldn’t determine whether it was caused from the accident or not. I started doing physio therapy and they prescribed naproxen for the pain. A couple of months went by and the lower back pain was getting worse. I was developing new symptoms of numbness /tingles in my arms and hands that would keep me up at night and appear randomly during the day at work. I work at a call centre, sitting down at my desk on the computer at that point for 8 hours +. My best description was that my arms were weak as if I went to the gym was lifted weights the day before but didn’t. I went to emergency one morning because my left hand/arm was numb/ tingling all night and starting to loose feeling and decided this was alarming. EMG test was clear as I thought it was maybe carpel tunnel as that runs in my family. More meds were prescribed, time off work but this time they gave me a referral for a MRI. The beginning of 2017, my symptoms were worse. The numbness spread down to my thighs and legs. My arms were always weak and sore. I stopped doing normal things like dishes, brushing my hair, doing my makeup, coulouring. Normal everyday activities were difficult. Not only that but my back was always hurting. I was never comfortable, always moving. I couldn’t sit up right for too long and by then working at the office was really difficult for me. I got a promotion however it put me on a schedule of 10+ hours a day. Physio therapy was too expensive so I stopped going but tried to do what I was taught from home. Obvousily I lost motivation. But my first MRI scan results were finally in! 2 lessons that were ‘unclear’ they told me. So now they gave me a referral for a neurologist. Serveral months later LP was done and with my luck leaked, I was rushed to a near by hospital for a blood patch and they punctured where my hernias are!! - more time off work, more meds. Or like my mom says a cocktail of pills! 2018, my neurologist confirms the results for the LP, there in lots of inflammation and wants another MRI done. Explains the possibility of MS and what it is but is highly unlikely as my number one symptom is chronic pain and that ‘usually’ not the case. That year was tough, not just because the news my very close and only grandfather passed away after that and I’ve never had anyone close to me pass. Work was very stressful and becoming more difficult to manage with the constant pain. I tried to do physio again and she recommended I get more active and start the gym. Later that week, I joined the gym and once again with my luck I injured my back on the second day were I couldn’t move. I litterally thought I broke my back! Guess who needs to go to emergency again!? Guess who gets pumped up with new pain meds and no real relief!? I do have a family doctor, she was able to get an mri for my back, xrays for it as well, stronger meds as well and referrals to see a chiropractor and rheumatologist. End of 2018/ beginning of 2019. MRI for back shows hernias are still there but too small for surgery, I’ve been waiting to hear from a new doctor to consult on cortazone shots? Which I really don’t like the sound of the idea of that! Last when I saw my family doctor, xrays weren’t found in the system... and more time off work was given since the injury from gym in September. Since then, new symptoms have appeared, on top of my others. My brain is foggy and I have a hard time focusing. I have tingles in my feet throughout the day. I have a hard time controlling my bladder sometimes. I’m tired and my body is sore almost always. I know, you could be thinking well girl, your being pumped up with all these meds of course your body is feeling and reacting this way, I asked and sure some of these are side of effects but not as intense as these. The new MRI for my brain showed a 3rd lesson and it’s very big and inflamed. My neurologist sat me down and confirmed that this in fact was MS with the LP results and these symptoms I have been descripting to her, this is just the beginning! She advises it’s RRMS and I should speak to a nurse to talk about a treatment plan ASAP. So in fact most of what I’m feeling is MS symptoms, whether I want to believe it or not. I consulted the MS nurse with my very supportive boyfriend January 25. Thankfully he was there because most of the information when through one ear and out the other. Not that I don’t care, it’s just a shock. I mean, my neurologist sort of warned me for it but then also said it wasn’t likely, so did my family doctor as well. I had a panic attack in the middle of the discussion and had to stop for a couple of minutes to breathe and get water. Was this really happening? Excuse me, IS THIS REALLY happening? It’s the end of February now. Unemployment can no longer cover me as here In Canada it’s only a max of 15 weeks. My doctors note ends mid March to return to work however, I really don’t feel/think I can return but how else will I survive? I’ve looked into disability but I don’t think my doctors believe it’s a serve enough case to prevent be for permantly no work. It’s my 25th birthday on March 7th, never did I ever think that this is where I would be making these extremely tough LIFE desicions and suffering from all this pain. You hear most 25 year old organizing a big party, getting all dolled up, drinking and not worrying about money or any care in the world. What have I become?
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