Last reply 1 month ago

I’ve had depression since I was a teenager. Now, finally diagnosed with MS, last year, I will get to look forward to when I can no longer fend for myself. Hasn’t happened yet. Fortunately, I have worked since I was in highschool. I know that after 35+ years of taxes paid, I am now an elder. I deserve to be assisted in my declining years.

Even if I was diagnosed as a teenager, with MS, it is something that society will assist with. Not my fault. Just something that happens to people.

So I will continue on, with how I am. I am not a doctor, not a nurse. I am, however, an essential service. I keep my corner of the world, safe.

I still feel like crap. Still feel that suicide is a viable option. Although, I promised my mom I wouldn’t hurt myself. Life just sucks, sometimes.

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1 month ago

@gg_alexander , I can so relate to how you feel. This world can be a cruel place!

But, this world can also be a beautiful place. So, concentrate on things that make you feel good.

1 month ago

Hi @gg_alexander

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time. I have contacted you directly.

Take care of yourself. George

1 month ago

This spring a friend of mine committed suicide and the ripple effects are just so profound. Apparently she always struggled in the spring after the long dark winter and this year was worse than others and pressures from her job as a professor compounded the issue. She was an avid horseperson and had many friends in that circle but of course we don’t see as much of each other over the winter and were shocked that she took her own life. If she had only reached out…

So- it sounds like you have confided in your mom and I bet she would help if she knew you were struggling right now. It can be hard to find hope and direction when our future is so uncertain and sometimes doesn’t seem very bright. In those days I consider all the progress that has been made since I was diagnosed in 2005 when there were only two treatments that now in comparison to current products are not even thought to be that effective! Now I am on something thought to be much more effective and we know so much. Progress is even being made in remylination concepts as my steps slow I hope they hurry up!

Regardless there is always something that I can and I stay focused on that instead of what I can’t. While I am no longer riding at shows I can help score keeping and judging knowing that many volunteers made it happen when I was competing and now I am making the show possible and staying in touch with my friends and show organizers that are very grateful to have someone with experience help out.

I’m also picking up some of my previous hobbies that are less physically demanding like music and reading. I also try to find ways to volunteer and give back and typically find I get more than I give in many cases through who I meet and what I learn. It can be hard to get started but am always glad that I did-

1 month ago

I like to be in nature. Go hiking, geocaching and the like. Arranged to go with friends, in a couple weekends.

Life, on the whole, is ok right now. I’m just in part of the low end of my cycle. That’s the shit. I’ve lived through this stuff, even before being diagnosed. I’m still alive and helping others.

Also, I’m Ásatrú. My belief, with religion (gods and the like) is:

There might be a god or two, out there. They had better keep out of my way. I have shit to do.

1 month ago

It sounds like you have a strong attitude ;-0 that is what it takes to get through some days! I have found some interests I can still enjoy if I explore some additional tangents. For example if you really like nature…do you like taking photos of nature? I crack up at the extreme photos a friend of mine takes. He is a great bird and nature photographer and I know he walks miles a day capturing them. I like to take pictures too but can’t walk miles. Instead I take my camera with me (and the long lens!) and hang out on my porch. I take pictures of what I can see from that vantage point…and if I am patient it is quite a lot! I take a book out with me and sit and wait for nature to approach me. It does if I am quiet and still enough! Someday I will have a coffee table book “The Porch Photographer” ;-0

That interest kicked off interest into digital scrapbooking/photo editing, etc. ideas keep coming…

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