Overwhelmed with diagnosis
Hi,
This is quite long so I do apologise haha
Ok, so, I was officially diagnosed with RRMS late 2015, but had been waiting for a diagnosis since I first went into hospital in 2013 at 18 with numbness and tingling from my chest down. Ever since the official diagnosis I have been struggling to come to terms with it. I feel like an official diagnosis is so much heavier than just knowing, as if it's somehow just written all over me for the world. I'm trying so hard but I just can't seem to get my head around it. My life seems to have slipped from under me and it's not mine anymore. My friends are no longer people I recognise and my family just feel sorry for me, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to listen to me. But as soon as it's mentioned everybody just scrunches their face up with sympathetic eyes and there's a chorus of aww's and apologies. I'm trying to hold myself together but in doing that I'm just holding myself back, my priorities have dissolved into memories and nothing seems to matter to me like it used to. I feel as if I have lost so much confidence and I struggle building relationships with people because I just can't let go of this facade I have build. I don't have many friends and I just feel utterly alone.
I would really appreciate advice and stories of how people have dealt with their diagnosis,
Thank you for taking the time to read,
Tess
@tess Hi Tess, I think everyone here will have been through what your feeling, when I got my diagnosis one of the first things the Neurologist said was "oh did no one tell you , you have MS", needless to say I left that appointment like a zombie, it is the only thing I remember from that day. I made and still make, the mistake of not coming to terms with my condition and working against it not with it. Sure you have to work around it but the main thing is you are still you, that will never change, do not let your condition rob you of that, the feeling of having a facade is your inner voice undermining yourself, as the saying goes you can be your own worse enemy. I'm sure the Tess that built these friendships is the exactly same Tess she was last week, last year, 5 years ago so do not be down on yourself. You are probably going through the grieving process so your feelings are understandable. If you feel uncomfortable with speaking with family or friends do you have an MS nurse? Look to book an appointment with a Psychologist / counsellor, that's what I did and it was the best thing I ever did and there is nothing wrong with it. Not sure who is in your profile picture but if it is your partner lean on him, talk to him, do not clam up, or as I like to call it turtling in to your shell :), as you need to express how you feel. I hope this helps if even only a little bit, Barry
You describe it very clearly and it brings back a lot of memories. There is no quick fix on this, but the key for me has been keeping close to the health professionals. It took a long, long time to work out what my body was doing/not doing and find the best way to live. It's a learning process. I pretty soon realised that all the nervous energy and stress had to be directed in a better way, as I couldn't get rid of them. Spending time with a physio and getting an exercise regime paid dividends that I could actually feel. That became my motivating factor. The other thing I did was to ditch friends (left, right and centre!)..... and others ditched me, as I'm sure I became high-maintenance after diagnosis. I couldn't be doing with the sympathy etc. And I went on antidepressants, after the GP assured me that this was par for the course. Now, life is calmer and better. Keep us in the loop, tell us what you're up to and what your specific issues are. It sounds as though you need to get this off your chest. Sending cyber-hugs, Kay