falling apart

I am finding it hard to fight anymore. Everytime I go to the Doctor I find out something else is wrong with me. I finally got in with the hepatologist and he did a lot of blood work. I am in active liver disease. According to my test results I will need a blood transfusion on a regular basis due to my liver not processing the protein that breaks down iron in my body. I have to have a coloscopy and endoscopy because my bowels are not working properly. I did a stool sample already and that was not good. I have another liver test coming up to see how stiff my liver is to see what stage I am in. I see a cardiologist next month to determine why I have thickening in the wall of my heart. I am pretty sure I am in another flare up my tremors are horrible, pain has been so bad I can't even wear pants because it is to constricting, dizzy, horrible headache, so sick I can't eat, I am so exhausted I can't stop sleeping. My meds are being delayed because of insurance. I was supposed to start last month. I am getting to the point I don't want to fight anymore. I am so depressed and I am on 2 antidepressants I try to put on a smile and keep going forward I don't know if I can keep the fake smile going.