Lost all faith
Visit with the Neurologist was extremely strained. She says while those MULTIPLE large white spots on the MRI have not changed in a year, she doesnt believe I have MS. I did get emotional-not that I want to be diagnosed with yet another auto immmune assasingator, but I have no answers. Its been two days now since my emotional break down over this and I've spent the time going inside myself and thinking about how I want to handle this.
It took me 12 years to get an RA diagnosis. Meanwhile alot of progression took place. I was told it was in my head repeatedly. I think that was why I broke down the other day-I cant bear going through that for another 12 years. I spoke to my husband's aunt who has been living with MS for well over 30, and her words were "it is a fight". I dont have that fight left in me. The doctor did rule our an anuerism tho and said the old blood on my brain was probably from the fall I took in my house two years ago.
Meanwhile, I have resigned myself to not think about this anymore. Sell my car since I can no longer drive. Buy all kinds of cooling aids to assist when I get over heated. There isnt anything more I can do. I cannot bear the thought of one specialist after another, and all the while praying that they believe me, only to feel side swiped when they give me that look that says "I think your faking". Im over all that. It is whatever it is. I think the best way for me to deal with this is to treat my own symptoms as best I can.
I went through something similar, I tried to get my GP to recommend MS testing for 10 years but he refused. He finally sent me to a neurologist because he thought I had hurt my elbow. The neuro talked to me for 10 minutes and said I'll check your elbow but you need to be tested for MS. Turns out a relapse was causing the crazy nerve pain in my arm. Doctors think your a hypochondraic and are dismissive, this doctor told me even if your are diagnosed with MS they can't do anything for you. Make a list of all of the symptoms you have over the years, you already have RA so you already have one autoimmune disorder. It is quite common to have to or three. I have had Viligio and Psorrias the doctor told me I had such small areas of it not to worry about it. They are part of a bigger picture, I hope you can find some one that will listen to you.
I wonder if we were to poll all the users of Shift MS how many would say ' they thought I'd got it wrong, was a hypochondriac or over anxious' . I imagine alot. You will need to retreat for a while but in doing so remember before medical science there was 'us' no Drs, just biological messages and emotions and cognitions that alerted us to there being something wrong ' it's called survival instinct'. Its purpose is only to look after you, and if you know there's something wrong, there is ! My neuro told me as I have underactive thyroid- one auto immune disorder can often be an indicator for another. They seem far behind you , and what's to stop them treating ' as if'. Would they let you try a DMT ? If you were willing ? Your fight will return but while it does your totally entitled to fall apart a little. I know I have. Good Luck Nicky