Finding out i had Ms

Hello My name Sherd I'm new on July 7 2018 I found out I had Ms and found out My ex was cheating She was my First luv and to find out I Had Ms and That Honestly I didn't wanna live anymore and it was a month b4 my 35th Birthday I felt like I lost everything and I felt alone scared hurt confused That first yr I didn't eat I went from 200pounds to 165 in a month I was just numbing my pain away I was constantly in relapses I already suffer from bipolar & PSTD so I've been fighting demons all my life putting others HAPPINESS b4 mines supporting loving caring when this happened to me I appreciate the Lil family that was there trying to make me smile but that was on my bday the only one who ever even ask how are u or how u feeling is my Best friend I thank God for her cause she supported me and cared and showed it and til this day she do alot of ppl turned they back on me .I BELIEVE GOD DOES EVERY THING FOR A REASON AND HE MAKES NO MISTAKES IT TOOK SOMETHING TRAGIC TO HAPPEN TO ME FOR ME TO START GETTING BLESSED AND OPEN MY EYES ME PUTTING EVERY ONE HAPPINESS AND NEEDS B4 MINE AND NOT PUTTING GOD FIRST I have been going threw it Mentally physically emotionally verbally not appreciated tooking Advanteched of bye family even my MOM so I Know after my last Suicide attempt that HE JESUS CHRIST had A PLAN FOR ME AND HE PUTTING ME THREW ALL THIS BECAUSE EVEN THO I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN MYSELF OR WHEN OTHERS DIDN'T BELIEVE IN ME HE DID always have .HE GIVES HIS TUFFEST BATTLES TO HIS STRONGEST WOIRRIOES 💪 🙌 sometimes we have to remove ppl out our lives to receive our Blesses cause the person iam I would never believe that Your family will be your worse enemy 💯 basically my family especially My mom who regardless of what I will always HONER MY QUEEN her Making me feel like I wasn't worth nt or un loved appreciate un wanted she was my number one TRIGGER idk With God giving me MS n my ex alot of ppl true colors came out I came to a breaking point were as I cut my son off I called my mother out her name she put hands on me I black on my cousin I was just tied and dealing with alot HE wanted me to see that I have to start loving n putting me first as much as I wanna believe that the same way I'll be there for them they would do the same but everyone don't have the same HART AS ME and being that I'm very Hard Headed n wasn't listening HE showed me all at once even tho That was The Worst Pain I would neva wish on No one HE knew I would SURVIVE IT n I did 🙌🙌🙌 so ok last Sucide attempt my ppls tried to kill me when I got away that day I got home dropped to my knees saying I can't do this cring so later that day I started getting high off MOLLY'S for 7days I've been up n had 3Grams of MOLLY'S no food no sleep Heart feeling like it was coming out my chest Crazy .Long story short IN Oct 2019 My best friend told me to come to PA with her so I did I still was going threw the depression Dealing with the Ms n my ex Breaking my Hart MY GOD put me were he knew I would get back up on my feet and with someone who Will support me all the way and I have been every since 🙌 I feel like I'M BLESSED AND should not be stressed over nt I'm human tho and as LONG AS HE kno me Better then anyone AND Understands ME n believes in me HE is the number 1 Reason I keep Fighting and Have FAITH IN HIM 🙌 cause he Knows even tho I'm so very Thankful and appreciative BLESSED That HE hard my cry and never GAVE UP ON ME So I won't let him Down HE placed me were he wanted me and that's At peace and putting me first loving me more and learning it's ok to be alone Not easy But I'm doing it 🙌🙌🗣💯❤️ Even still Fighting with my Bipolar Ptsd & Ms Iits a Battle Difference now I'm not Fighting alone and not numbing or crying so much Idk just wanted to Vent that out to you guys I try to THINK POSITIVE do positive BE around POSITIVE just to keep my mind off the Negative cause idk if yall kno how Bipolar is but our mind constantly raising so if I don't keep busy or have someone to talk to or vent to I will go in a dark place and I fought to hard to get out of there and I know he didn't Bring me this far to leave me 🙌🙌🙌