Let’s talk about…sex
Not very British I know but it doesn’t feel like a question for my nurse, so I’m going to risk reaching out to you all. I bet no one else is willing to share and sorry if the openness offends! Firstly I feel lucky that I have no physical symptoms in this area and, aside from lower mood some days, I don’t think I’ve lost any desire or ability. However I do think that as a “sick person” I’ve become even less attractive to my partner and that my hyper sensitivity, pain and fatigue makes it even less likely she might ever initiate. I’m willing to work at this and am hopeful things will improve again over time. I really want to remain active and don’t think this is a part of life I can shelve. As much as anything else, not feeling attractive to anyone or enjoying intimacy can be quite bad for your self esteem and mental health! Anyway, I’d love to talk about this and hear others experiences if anyone is bold enough to share. Sorry if the question offends!
Definitely doesn’t offend me. Sex is an important part of life, just like eating, sleeping etc. I’m afraid I’m going to write something very boring. Can you have a discussion to express and explore how both of you feel? Perhaps setting some ground rules around what could be discussed, and whether the discussion could end in sex. I guess communication is key. It would be so much easier if people could read our minds 🤷♀️. Good luck, hope you can resolve these feelings.
For now, let me respond to the topic of feeling attractive. The constant nature of my symptoms truly makes me feel like every day I am “the sick one”. With less joy, less laughter, less enjoyment of getting dressed to go out. I almost feel like I have been catapulted from the “young me” to the “elderly weak, frail me” —and she is no fun. I also smile a whole lot less. I’m weary from trying to portray that I feel good. But the flip side, when you stop portraying, is that you actually do become somewhat unattractive. No doubt. So, I think it is important for people with MS to look in the mirror and occasionally do things that validate their beauty. Maybe a spa day, new makeup or new outfit. Likewise, I think partners need to know how valuable it is to reassure us that they still see beauty even if just the occasional complement on an outfit, haircut or —-especially——the out of the blue comment from the heart. Don’t lie to us…we know we aren’t as healthy/beautiful as before, but we still have our attractive God given qualities. A little complement goes a long way…and is therapeutic. And of course, this goes both ways. Caregivers need affection too.