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@Burton9923 

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Burton9923

Depression not wanting to be here anymore

I was diagnosed a few years ago after a long process of many years and a missed diagnosis. I am really struggling. I feel so sad all the time, crying all the time. Everything is getting on top of me. I feel this deterioration is related to a relapse I had due to location of the lesion. Struggling at work and at life in general. I’ve spent this entire weekend in tears sometimes not even knowing what for. Found myself driving today and wanting to drive into a wall. I don’t even really know why I’m posting other than to say is there anyone else out there feeling this way or if you have felt this way how did you stop it.
North East Lincolnshire, UK
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@Ddott
@Ddott
 

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@Ddott
@Ddott
 

Hi @burton9923. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I have gone through bouts of that. They’re never easy. I still go through them. The first time I experienced it I talked with my family doctor. I am on a small dose of anti-depressants. It helps… I definitely notice if I forget to take my daily dose. But does it make me a ray of sunshine? No. But it does help. I check in with my family doctor and neurologist about my feelings as well. Their advice varies but a couple of things are consistent: take care of yourself and listen to your body. I also found the first 5 years of my diagnosis were the hardest. I try to keep myself busy as much as my energy allows. Pick up a hobby that can help change your mind. For me that was photography. It allows me to forget about my MS and think only about my art. It’s something I take a lot of pride in and forces me to better at and focus on something outside of myself. I also have a friend who has MS. Having her helps. We knew each other before our MS, so our friendship isn’t based on our illness, but it's nice to have someone to talk to when I need (but I do not rely on her — that’s important). I get outside in nature as much as I can. Nature, for me and many others, is very soothing. I stay away from moody music when I feel myself being down. I know none of what I said about how I deal with it is a magic solution. I know this stuff works for me and it took me almost 10 years to figure it out (I’ve had my diagnoses for 14 years now). But I hope that it at least can give you some ideas to try, spark some inspiration, inspire you to reach out for help and/or at least know someone has read your post and was listening. Take it one day at a time. And if you have a bad day today, know that tomorrow things can and will change. Funny enough, Billy Joel’s song Vienna helped put some things into perspective for me (might sound silly but it works for me). Don’t be hard on yourself. You don’t have to impress anyone or make anyone happy other than yourself. Don’t try to keep up with anyone or anything — be at your own pace. You got this.

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