Last reply 2 months ago
Support

Hello all, like yourselves I have been hit with a crippling disease that has cost me everything, my career, my home and my life really
How have you managed financially to make ends meet, I am 46 this Friday and now unemployed, I can no longer do the work I was trained to do, I have many qualifications in several civil or maintenance jobs but now it’s a struggle to even walk 20m
I was diagnosed with MS two years ago and my life has changed drastically and not for the better, where I live there isn’t much support for MS so I now feel alone
Is there anything I can do or do I have to make ends meet with the Benefits I receive, surly this isn’t it, I feel like I’m old but I’m not, why can I no longer do the sports that I love or even do the job that I hated but now wish I was doin that, self isolation isn’t a problem wiv me as I’ve been doin that for two years now
Would be interested to no how you manage and how you have overcome problems that you have faced
Thank you
Clay

Add categories

Browse categories and add by clicking on them

You can remove current categories below by clicking the ‘x’.


stumbler
2 months ago

Hi @clay , I can sincerely empathise with you. I lasted 4 more years than you, so was able to take an early retirement package, which helped on the financial front. But, after 14 years, I still miss it too.

The feeling of uselessness and worthlessness is still with me, but I shedded the guilt a long time ago. I realised it wasn’t my fault and that I was just an unfortunate victim. You probably need to manage the guilt too. Like I say, the feelings remain but they get easier to digest.

You now have to look forward as the past is now all history. You haven’t disclosed your domestic arrangements, but it’s essential to maintain whatever you’ve got. Keep a smile on your face always, even if you’re crying inside. Just keep a happy home. If you want to have a moan and rant, find your own personal space. This is a good place to vent your anger and frustration, as we understand why you’re doing it.

Consider something to do with your time. There is normally something you’re able to do from home. It may not be paid work, but your psyche will feel the benefit.

Get round to the nearest Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB), if you can, to discuss the benefits which are available to you. A word of warning, any savings will work against you. You get no brownie points for a previous frugal existence but, it’s now too late to hide them legally. Personal Independence Payment (PIP) is a must as it’s not means-tested.

I had trouble dealing with the fact that I was an Alpha Male and I had been totally under-mined. This takes quite a bit of getting used to, but it is what it is. I couldn’t quite work out your sex from your post and your profile, but you definitely sound like an Alpha of either sex!

So, one day at a time. Deal with the present, with a cursory glance at the future. Leave the past behind. Concentrate on the good things in your life and just manage the bad things. 😉


sarah_menday
2 months ago

What did you used to do? Have you considered transferring your skills to that of an online assessor for those training to do what you did?


clay
2 months ago

Hi thank you for your words, and I get what your saying but for me everything happened at once, I finally found the courage separated from an abusive marriage got my self settled into a nice home and things were starting to look up for me finally, I started a new career and had several pay increases during my short spell with my new employer, I had an accident at work slipping two discs so was signed off, I did receive sick pay but any savings I had were used for bill ect it took eleven months for the doctors to diagnose me with MS, over the course of me being off work the firm I worked for decided to terminate my employment, I was told they would not make a decision on my future until the results from my MRI came through, now the NHS are over run as it is so there not very fast at forwarding information that you need so I was discharged on the grounds of not medical fit for work, in the months that I was off work I sent many emails begging for light duties and I was even willing to retrain and take on another role but it was like talking to a brick wall, basically I was sacked, my savings were taken up paying for rent and a car I had brought before my accident
I do receive pip and universal credit but as I could no longer afford my rent I reluctantly moved into my mothers, it’s great being with my mum but it’s not the same and I spend most of my time in my bedroom
Fatigue is a problem but I find from the hours of seven am to 2pm I’m most active then it’s like I’m trying to shoulder carry someone and at the same time give piggy back to someone so my walking is slow and lifting my legs to walk up stairs is a mission and takes an age, I have said to my mother I really want to go back to work for the rest so as you can tell I have a humour and I’m always smiling and willing to help others, I’ve always been this way so it’s frustrating when you finally need help and you look around and there is no one,
On the 13/06/19 I buried my best friend I had known him for 23 years and suddenly he died with out warning, he was the only friend I had and I soon found this out as the people I knew and classes as mates disappeared when I was diagnosed with this lovely disease
So other than my family I have no one to me it feels like everything has happened and it’s happened fast, my marriage, my health, my career and my finances
The kind of work I did I no there is no chance of me doing it again, nobody in there right mind would employ someone that struggles to walk let alone be able to work past midday, it’s not me looking for a sob story as there are many more people out there that are worse off than me,
I only want my independence believe it or not I want to work, I’m so bored but can you teach a 46 year old a new trade so he can earn a wage not pennies but a wage when he struggles to walk, the amount off drugs I now take you could rename me tic-tac and if I was successful in finding new work I bet I fail the random drug test that they do ( hahaha )
I’m sorry to sound off but I’m so frustrated and angry, I feel alone and I have nothing, I do not have a pension so can not cash that in on I’ll health but that’s another long winded story that I will not bore you with, I’m just hoping you have a magic wand that I could borrow
Regards


clay
2 months ago

Hi Sarah, I’m what’s known as jack off all trades master off none
The last job I had was working for BT open reach, I done all the ground work, Tar, footpath, garden so I dug up roads paths and garden and reinstated all and I installed fibre
I have many qualifications in this kind off work but some off my tickets have expired
I’ve looked into passing on my experiences but I need to be able to instruct people when using heavy plant and this is something my body no longer allows me to play with so I couldn’t do it, I need the tickets renewed before I teach… basically it can’t be done


highlander
2 months ago

@clay
Hi give these guys a call. They might be able to give you some tips.

https://www.mssociety.org.uk/care-and-support/local-support/local-groups/maidstone-district-group


stumbler
2 months ago

@clay , I’m fresh out of magic wands, I’m afraid.

You might want to have a word with the CAB about a case of unfair dismissal. Your employer should have offered “reasonable changes” to allow you to maintain your employment (the Equality act 2010).

If the CAB can’t help, then the Disability Law Service (DLS) (https://dls.org.uk/) may be able to offer assistance.

Anger and frustration are to be expected and hopefully writing it all down is helping a bit. A problem shared is a problem halved.

And, I still haven’t quite worked out your sex. I know which way I’m leaning, but it would be rude of me to guess wrong. 😉


mgriffiths5
2 months ago

@clay a jack of all trades sounds an ideal skill set for taking charge of your new life. To me, it sounds like you are depressed and that you need to access support to address that first.

At the moment, it seems like you are not ready to practically reach out into the world and find meaning and fulfillment. I’m confident this will change, but a first course of action could well be speaking to your GP candidly and asking for structured support, and likely medication, to get you ready for the next phase of recovery?

Hopefully then you can spend less time looking back, and more in the here and now.

I say this as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens. Way before MS.

Take care and be kind to yourself.


mgriffiths5
2 months ago

And to the question can a forty six year old learn a new trade, new skills and find new meaning in life? Undoubtedly yes.


vixen
2 months ago

Hello @clay, sorry you are going through so much. There’s no explaining it away is there, this menace we all face on a daily basis. Your life in the past two years has been unbelievably tough. So, at the moment, it’s probably good that your with your mum as you can look out for each other during Corona time.

So, you have a bit of income through PIP and UC. What you need to do now my friend, is think outside the box. When the time is right, that is. Start to think not about what you can’t do anymore, or what has been taken away, but more reasonably about how you would like things to be, if you could. Is it independent living? Or Work? I would bet, that if you could focus on one, then do whatever is needed to get there, then the other may well fall into place. Does that make sense? You’ve had a run of bad luck/misfortune, there’s every chance that good luck and fortune can follow, albeit relatively. Not winning the lottery, but stumbling across something that can start to make you feel fulfilled. Maybe…..some form of study? Getting involved in something, starting to do something you’ve always wanted to do. One thing I’ve learnt about having this condition, is that things don’t generally fall into your lap. You have to start fighting to get things, be your own advocate. You can do this, we have all had to become MS Warriors, we didn’t choose it. Take care of yourself, you can do this and you have lots of support here x And PS @stumbler, it you’re not sure which way you’re leaning by now, Lord help us all 😂


stumbler
2 months ago

@vixen , an unfortunate turn of phrase!

I suppose you’ll use this one against me too! 🤣😂🤣


clay
2 months ago

Stumbler are you coming on to me, if not why not??? And if you are …. why???
Lol


stumbler
2 months ago

@clay , you’ve got me on that one! I don’t know what to say.

Well, I could ask you to reveal all, but that would be misinterpreted too! 🤣😂🤣


chezy17
2 months ago

Have you thought about maybe studying as @vixen suggested? I started uni a couple of years ago with an access course and now a degree. Never too old to learn something new, although I’m not getting anywhere with it at the moment between homeschooling and keeping the munchkins occupied. Think it’s much easier to teach in a classroom 😂😂😂, at least I have 🍷…well for time being.

@stumbler what are you like 😂😂😂…I took your advice though, ended up being referred to a specialist for the big C but it was a false alarm, I’m as healthy as I’m gonna be for now 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 😂.

Stay safe peeps. 😊


stumbler
2 months ago

@chezy17 , I know what I’m like! That should worry me, but it doesn’t!

I’m really pleased on your news. Have a big cyber-hug. 😉


chezy17
2 months ago

@stumbler thank you 😊.

Been a crazy few weeks, definately puts life into perspective, when we get through this crisis I think it’s time to get back out there. Life is far too short, only took me 4 years like 😂😂!

Join Shift.ms to reply to this post.

Become part of the community so you can chat, compare and learn from other MSers.