Zoe | Tomorrow to me.

What does the word ‘Tomorrow’ mean to you?

Tomorrow is full of excitement and hope. Tomorrow is the belief that things can change for the better - a world that is kinder, and brighter.

Right now it makes me think of Christmas, a house with a garden, maybe a dog and some kids. Maybe tomorrow America won't be governed by a racist bigot. Maybe tomorrow there will be a vaccine. Maybe tomorrow we will invest in green energy. Maybe, maybe not.

But the sun will rise and I will always feel grateful for that - there is so much we need to learn as a society, so much further we have to go, and tomorrow will always serve as a reminder that anything is possible.

How do you prepare for the future while living with MS?

I try to accept that I can't change what the world throws at me, but I can put myself in a position to be better equipped to deal with new challenges. I make sure I am mentally and physically healthy, I try to love myself openly and wholeheartedly, and I fully accept that there are some things I may find more difficult than I used to.

I can't plan for my future with MS, as I know it's going to be completely unpredictable, so I plan for a future full of happiness and opportunities, MS can just come along for the ride. (Also, vitamins, yoga, deep breaths and lots of water.)

Do you think about your future work and employment?

As a freelance creative, future work and employment always comes with a big question mark. I love the unpredictability of a career in the arts, and so far, I've been able to manage my MS alongside my work really well.

I do appreciate that this might not always be possible, but I try not to limit my dreams and ambitions because of my MS. I do have an ambition to train as a counsellor, and I'm considering going back to Uni over the next few years to train - it's something that's always interested me, and with the current climate, a career in the arts isn't as "sustainable" as it once was.

What advice would you give to another MSer worried about what tomorrow may bring?

Tomorrow can be really frightening, and the uncertainty of MS can make it seem even darker, but it doesn't have to be - every day there are new trials, new treatments, new doctors with brilliant minds, new machines that are quieter, quicker, less scary.

What you, I, and we will learn from MS will far outweigh how frightening it seems right now - everything will be OK.

How were you diagnosed with MS? How did you feel? What do you remember about that day?

I was diagnosed in 2018, firstly with Optic Neuritis in my left eye, and then with Relapsing Remitting MS. I felt hopeless, like something was being taken away from me - the floor disappearing beneath me. I felt a huge amount of uncertainty for my future and really struggled with my mental health for a while after that.

I don't really remember the day I was actually diagnosed, but I do remember receiving the results from my first MRI scan. I had been asked to carry my medical file from one area of the hospital to another, and in the lift I thought it wouldn't do any harm to have a peak at what was written in my file... low and behold I read about several lesions on my brain and the probable MS diagnosis before any doctor had the chance to break it to me. On reflection that was probably a bad idea - I don't think I'll be reading my medical files ever again!