My name is Rita I just joined this morning and I don't know what I am hoping for or what to expect from here? I was diagnosed with MS May 26,2021. That came as a bonus diagnosis to my presenting problem my now secondary diagnosis descibed as stable grade 2 spondylolisthesis with bilateral pars defect, retrolisthesis, and 2 bulging discs. Sneaky similar symptoms had no clue a 2 for 1. My whole life I've never been afraid to stand up against anything. Especially on my own. The impact of being blindsided was/is way too much for me to do after so much negative surrounded our lives. When it's all said and done I had physical wounds that would lay me up and take longer to heal. I mentally broke down and gave up. It was brought to my attention of what I was doing and I didn't want to give up. With so much loss and feeling abandoned and will be alone. Aside from the loss and the constant reeling thoughts, questions, feelings, devastating disbelief of what you were sure of now not so much. Feeling like I'm going out of my mind. Confused because this was not how it's supposed to be. This happened to me and some have and are moved on and I'm still stuck in the sorrow and grief. I can't let go I'm still here. Every way I try to go about it doesn't help and do what I genuinely wish to adapt to a new normal relearn myself have the self esteem, confidence, worth as a mom, wife, as a woman.There's been a severe lack of what I need to move on. I don't know where do I find it what is it? I'm tired of feeling this grief suck, I can't fake it til I make it. I want to make it. I would like to embrace this side of things. I don't want new one to get over an old one. I just don't want to be alone and could use some different type of people that will help me find me the diamond in all this despair. Am I in there still? I'd like some new relationships that can equally impact my life positively as much as my life was impacted negatively so much loss forced to question reality and truth hoping not to end up heartbroken. Thanks for taking the time to read this as well as any input.