@MariaS

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MariaS

I want my sex life back!

Since being diagnosed with RRMS 3 years ago, my sex life has disappeared to vitually nothing. I cannot get in the mood at all. I'm very happily married and my husband has been wonderful in caring and generally looking after me. Has anyone else had this and what did you do about it?

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@MariaS , I didn't want this topic to disappear down the list without a response, as obviously it is something which is important to you. Now, I haven't got a similar situation to relate to as I'm a man, but there could be one of a couple of issues going on or a combination. Primarily, you may feel that you are now "damaged goods". Add into that some of the MS symptoms, like spasticity and fatigue, and you may feel that you are no longer desirable. Now, your husband probably still sees you as desirable, but probably doesn't want to risk hurting you, causing you discomfort and seeming selfish. Here's a link to a publication on this subject, http://www.mstrust.org.uk/shop/product.jsp?prodid=213 , which may be of use to you. This kind of problem can be complicated by not being able to discuss the issue, openly and honestly. So, why not order a hard copy of the brochure and leave it laying around. That should allow the subject to be broached. I hope this helps.

Tiggermum

@Tiggermum

My husband was apprehensive just after I was diagnosed - because he didnt want to hurt me, or upset me or anything. He was happy to wait till I was ready. I wanted to be ready, so we could get back to being normal again. I am taking Citalopram currently, and when I dont take it I dont want to know anyone, least of all my husband in that way! Good luck to you, @MariaS - try and relax and just do whatever comes naturally. It doesnt have to be the whole thing, just play around. Hope it sorts itself out soon for you.

bondgirl

@bondgirl

hello, not sure if it is helpful at all but I found that some lesions on my spine from my first big relapse meant that messages just didn't get through to my ladybits from my brain so my mind was more than willing but the physical sensations are nowhere near as strong as pre-diagnosis (that's a coy English way of saying I haven't had a "blow your socks off" orgasm since July 2012... not that I'm counting the days off on a chart or anything. :-)). I found that the MS nurse was delightfully unbashful about the topic (I suspected she had been on a course about not being bashful about sexual topics) and very keen to help but frankly the MS society/MS trust leaflets she pointed me to were all about trying different positions if you have spasticity/movement problems or coping with erectile dysfunction. I'm gay. we don't have erectile dysfunction issues :-). They didn't hit the spot, so to speak, for my "problem" which I think is a physical brain message blockage problem rather than anything else. I'm considering doing some work with a sex therapist to see if there is anything to be done to rewire my brain to work around the blocked bit of my spinal cord. still working up my courage for that! all I can say is, persevere, watch porn, experiment with toys, get into bondage or whatever you think might float your boat enough to get in the mood. I think there can be a lot of truth in the adage that the more sex you have the more you want so perhaps trying to get into a "habit" of thinking about sex more, daydreaming about what you and your partner might get up to when you're not with each other, talking about what turns/turned you both on, etc. could perhaps start to get you back into the routine of doing it more and might start you down the road to getting your mojo back? or not. sex is very personal (obviously!) so I guess you need to experiment to see what works for you. involving your partner in the quest might make it a jolly team effort too? enjoy!