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Need your thoughts

Hi all... Hope you are well... I am well however am all over the place emotionally. I find this is my biggest MS issue ?. I'm set to start lemtrada Monday and my anxiety is off the charts... I worried I am going to flip out and either not show up or be able to go through with it. I'm not even sure why I'm posting... Just hoping someone will say something that may help me process this. Maybe I need someone to be brutal with me - either for or against the treatment.... I'm 13 years in. Completely well. Mobile. Neuropathic pain in one leg which I'm used to but sucks. Haven't been on treatment for 5 years due to 2 kiddies and breastfeeding. While I appear well, my Mri shows I've accumulated a lot of damage. Reading all these side effects of Lem scare the utter crap out of me. My concern is: that Because I've already accumulated so much damage (yet to present with too much) that it's not going to change my course anyway. And that 5 years down the track I will have so many ms issues as well as a whole lot of other potential autoimmune diseases or malignancies. I'm scared and stuck. I can't sleep. All I think about my kids but just CANT MAKE A DECISION !!