MS: the life of the party

I used to be a party girl, rave all night until the sunrises and keep up going after. The music was intoxicating, the sound of the bass could make me forget all things and be in the moment, in a fun little world tapping my platforms on the floor. I made many friends and wore many fabulous outfits.

A few weeks before graduating from college and finally having my weekends off, the pandemic hit. I was suddenly alone, working out in my living room to dance music and dreaming about getting back to the clubs, being close to people and being my old self again.
However, life had other plans for me. More than a year later, we were still in lockdown, I was terribly stressed and bored, and suddenly, I felt ill.

The world was spinning around me, I was dropping items, and I had double vision and terrible vertigo. How could it be? I always had such good health, never getting sick. After a couple of visits to the physiotherapist, I was prescribed an MRI, as my problem seemed to be deeper and more neurological.

A few weeks later, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, mourning the life I had envisioned. In the following months, I started treatment and my condition stabilized slowly, however like a cinderella story my symptoms would come back stronger after 9 pm. As the months passed by and the pandemic slowed down, I would see parties and events pop all over my Instagram feed. I wanted to go, I wanted to be fully me again. Dancing the night away, but I knew it was off the table.

Most people don't understand easily that I can't come, that my legs go numb when I'm on my way home after evening class at university, that I can't drink like I used to because my vestibular system is damaged.

I wonder if my partner’s friends think I'm boring because I always leave the party early and I wonder if my old friends miss partying with me.

A true friend will pour you a shot, but they will also shoot your medication when you need it.

I did lose a part of myself, but I also learnt that I'm still the same bubbly wear, that just like a diamond I'm extremely hard to break and I still have a world of possibilities in front of me.

As for now, I’m focusing on finding day activities that are thrilling and you can dress cute for such as roller skating while arguing in my head if I should just do one rave sporadically and face my symptoms flaring up for a couple of days after.

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