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Gav

Depression and MS, a lonely topic

A somewhat troublesome topic for some of us with MS, the whole emotional with feelings and MS, specifically the low times. These can be difficult to admit to someone else but it's oh so important that you do, it can even be difficult to admit to yourself. I have been experiencing depression to do with my MS for years, not that you could tell if you met me Hell I have even down the merry path that is thoughts considering suicide from the simple and traditional overdose to the fleeting thoughts of going out action movie style under a speeding train. Some of these have been easier to brush off than others and the rational part of my brain points out the huge gaping flaw in my thought process round to those ideas that just seem to remain lodged in the background, just waiting to be reopened. This post isn't to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, you are all adults, it's just my way of letting you know that you are not alone, ever *hugs*

beccygreeneyes

@beccygreeneyes

Omg its like reading a message written by myself!! I feel sad sometimes like start worrying about the future! I am 29 this year and still live at home whereas most of my friends are married with kids etc I feel like i am letting everyone down! Thsnk you x

Kurst101

@Kurst101

Depression sucks and I think it's good to talk about it, like you say, too many of us are ashamed and hide away and curl up with it and it shouldn't have to be like that. I only tend to get really low in mood when I am due my B12 injection but during those couple of weeks I can be inconsolable and it's a really hard time for me and for those around me. I can go to really dark places during those two weeks but have always managed to convince myself that it's the B12/MS-ey crap and tomorrow is another day. The remaining 8 weeks of the cycle I'm pretty much A-OK with a wobble here and there. I really recommend talking to your GP about it (If you haven't already) there are some great anti-depressants but always remember if you decide to take this route they must be aided in a change of lifestyle also which is where GP's will also recommend things like CBT and/or counselling services. I also recommend looking at your diet as well, I'm reading a really good book on diet and it's affects on mental illness and other diseases called Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Natasha Campbell-McBride which is a bit of a revelation to me at the moment. I say all of this like I know but I don't. I can be so incredibly down sometimes and it's not an easy fix, it takes time and it's boring and we have an asshole of a disease to contend with. It's just super awesome that we have a place like this to communicate with each other.

sunnydaylover

@sunnydaylover

It is good knowing that you aren't alone. I feel like a pest on here, I don't say much to those around me, they think I am coping, but I am far from it. When I am alone, i crumble, when they all come home, I feel like I have a purpose, wife and mother. I know how lucky I am, to have got as far as 45years without this, to have brought up my children before this, but I am consumed by the what ifs and maybes of the future, but, when I come on here, it ALWAYS feels positive and always leave feeling better for knowing that I am not totally alone in all this. Thank you for your post Gav. :0)

beccygreeneyes

@beccygreeneyes

SunnyDayLover wow u are so strong!! i take my hat off to u. I have been ill since i wwas 25 and will be 29 this year i feel like a failure and should be pushing myself more as i still live at home etc as mentioned. I feel like i have let everyone down family friends etc Its good to know we have each other to vent to x

sunnydaylover

@sunnydaylover

oh, I don't think so Rebecca. I wish xx

cameron

@cameron

One of the few good things about getting older is that you see that everyone around who you thought had perfect lives ALL have issues. Every last one of the people I know has faced/is facing something bad. It's either loss of someone, job going bad on them, an emerging relationship problem or a health issue. It's not that I'm not sympathetic to them - just that it's been strangely helpful to realise that I'm not on my own facing something enormous. For many of the past years I've felt a disconnect generally but thanks to advancing years and antidepressants it's getting easier to stay in the loop.

Anawith1n

@Anawith1n

Just let out how your feelings like you all did. Tell the cashier Tell the elderly person Tell the bank teller Tell the person next to queue Tell who is sitting next to you Tell everybody that you have MS ANd it's not to get pettiness from them. There are worse people out there too. Just be happy what you've got and smile more often. I too feel depressed at times but keep that head up high. 15 years with MS NOW !! Got it when I was 31. Just SMILE AND TELL EVERYBODY YOU WILL FEEL BETTER GLAD YOU CAN EXPRESS THIS ON THIS SITE. Which I love. Don't be afraid to write and say it out loud!!! I have MS !!!!!!!

sunnydaylover

@sunnydaylover

Well said @sandwich. For me, you hit the nail on the head with that one line..."I think for a lot of us is raises its ugly head just when we are coming into our own and beginning to shine".

Cazzzzzy

@Cazzzzzy

Please do try meditation... You will find an inner peace and positivity and depression will lift! It's finally coming to light now just how helpful it is and brain MRI's even show brain chemistry changes while meditating, the medical field are using it more now too! You can just start with one minute each day and you will soon feel the benefits! Please try xxx

Kurst101

@Kurst101

Talking of meditation, have you guys tried headspace? Google it. It's an app on your phone and it talks you through mindfulness and meditation. You do have to pay but they also donate memberships to those in need. They match the donation to every one person who signs up. It is a bit pricey if you decide to sign up but I tried the free 10 step trial and I really felt the difference so signed up. If you're interested in meditation it's really worth a try at the free trial.

Cazzzzzy

@Cazzzzzy

That's great @Kurst101 ! ... Headspace is great, it's so cool everyone can at least get a free intro to meditation & I'm sure worth every penny if you carry on with it! :D xxx

f3ng5hu1

@f3ng5hu1

For me the depression is a catch 22. When I'm having good days I feel better being alone, very much a loner, even web related stuff, i don't do facebook, very rarely have skype on except to catch up with my almost teen daughter now & then. But when I have things kicking off like my leg cramps (still ongoing though the baclofen seems to be fending them off nicely, I take that instead of quiniline cos the latter can re-trigger optical neuritis apparently) & the sudden & most unexpected 'spasticity' that hit me in the early hours a couple of days back, that had me wanting to reach out and i was very thankful to hear george's reply that this was something he too went through yet he has it more severe which I can really relate to now how that must feel & although it's really scary in it's implications, it is good to know we are not alone in our symptons which often are just strange quirks, sometimes unexplainable things happen. I remember one time stepping from my lounge into my kitchen & for a couple of seconds I hadn't a clue where I had just come from or how I got there! This is where shift ms really shines cos you can straightaway share these things that shared with people who don't have ms wouldn't be the same, they might nod, look at you as though you are mad but on here the madness is real & it's shared experiences help us to offload our inner burdens thus lifting a little some of the weight off of us. I wouldn't even have come across this site if it were not for your youtube vids Gavin so there is proof right there that ms'ers sharing there lifestyles, the good the bad & the downright ugly [devastating] are much improved in percentage of depression & all accepted here & welcomed. This is not just good, this is fantastic cos so much of world of none ms misunderstands us and hasn't really a clue as to the diversity & amount of things that can go wrong during our time on earth with this strange & ofttimes annoying alien that is microsoft (oops sorry i meant MS LOL) nice to finish on a smile :)

cherish

@cherish

I so get you all. I have been on antid's most of my adult life (approx 25yrs). And looking back now experienced the first signs of ms at say 19/20yrs old (but ofcourse never knew what the strange things happening to me were), I was a child so to speak and I just thought it's things the body does as it gets older (hope I'm making sense), and bcoz there was no internet, smart phones, technology etc I truly believed it was just life symptoms. So at that time was when I struggled (still do) with anxiety, phobias, fear, overthinking and terror at times. But will never know if it is/was a manifestation of ms. I have on numerous occasions stopped the mirtazapine (with GPS knowledge), but have got as far as 3wks into stopping it and feel truly suicidal, really!! So for me, il never refuse a tablet to help my down times, which is very often. Hope you all find a way, but I know it's difficult. Lisa. ? ? xxx

Hoytfreak

@Hoytfreak

I think this topic is awesome. The responses are great and they are helpful. For me anyway. I've been diagnosed for about two years and the meds haven't been helping. Now the next thing is stem cells. And I get depressed because my wife kicked me out when I left work and went on disability and I miss her and our three boys.

jman

@jman

I spent today picnicking, with a group of friends, some in wheelchairs, other with speech issues, cerebral palsy, etc, Basically a mixed bunch.. And ended up chatting to 3 of them about anxiety, and depression. Something I've been exploring lately as well, is the topic of resentment, which seems to come in there somewhere. Alongside self confidence, and the rest... The outcome of the discussion was comments like.. 'I thought it was only me' and 'Is this a new thing' perhaps linked to another conversation we were having about isolation, and the internet. We can have 100's of friends online, but how many do we see, or pick up the phone to talk to, instead of just sending a txt and a FB comment. It was a positive discussion and, I think an open relief for some. Myself, I find music can be a great relief.. Even if its the saddest, moodiest music it seems to help me pass on from the dark feelings...

jman

@jman

I think there was a once a month meet by some members here, near the London Eye. Anyone is welcome to join the monthly Outsiders lunches, as the aforementioned group meets monthly around the UK, and usually around 15 or so at the London location. The venues are always accessible and friendly to us:)