Last reply 8 years ago
relationships & affects of ms

has anyone had major problems with partners since diagnosed.my girlfriend crumbled on xmas day & said she can’t deal with the uncertain future with me.only been together 18 months but it would have been forever if ms kept its nose out my business.i am confident i’ll fight hard & it won’t stop me.

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mattymohawk
8 years ago

to look at i’m just the same as i was before.i worry about money a lot because i am limited on hours work will let me do for a while.only other change is that i had to sell my super subaru (i’ll get another 1 sumday) but like the murphys,i’m not bitter 🙂


gmg
8 years ago

What a shame your gf hasn’t been able to cope 🙁 Sometimes it can be harder for people around us than for us ourselves as at least we can do something to help ourselves but sometimes people around us don’t KNOW what to do and feel a bit helpless. I’ve been very lucky – if anything my husband has been stronger than me and keeps picking me back up when I stumble (both emotionally and physically! *LOL*). How involved has your gf been with your wider MS life (MS nurse, support groups, medical appointments etc?) – maybe she’s just scared of the unknown and may find it useful to talk to others in the situation?


mattymohawk
8 years ago

thank you for not diving in and calling her a heartless bitch (some of my mates did)they don’t have to live with it.your hubby sounds like an amazing bloke.she ignores the facts most of the time.she visited hospital when i was having first major episode but has’nt been with me to physio or to see ms nurse.she hates seeing the changes i’ve had to make but i just get on with things & adapt where i have to.i used to have a body like bruce lee but the 6 pack fade to a 4 pack but she is’nt shallow.she just got all the negatives going round her head & seens to miss the positives.god has tried to break me many times but i take it on the chin & smile (sometimes with a tear in my eye) but i don’t give up easy.i just wish she could see we could of had plenty good times before ms affects my quality of life 🙁


cariad
8 years ago

I think it’s hard for those around us as well as those of us actually stuck with MS and everyone deals differently. I told my best friend (of many years) after my diagnosis and she didn’t talk to me for months afterwards. Really put me off telling my other friends. I told my family and bf and they have been fantastic. It’s a learning curve for everyone involved. I’ve had to learn to deal with the practical and emotional rollercoaster of MS…and so have they, albeit in different ways. It’s hard for others to help us when we need it, without treating us in a patronising way as though we’re totally incapable. Sometimes the people who care want to help, they just don’t known how.Your girlfriend might truly have decided that she can’t deal with it…on the other hand though, she might just need time and for some of the unknowns to be filled in. Good luck. xx


mawson
8 years ago

Hope things work out for you. I agree with Cariad it can be hard for those around us. A few years ago I actually told me bf we didn’t know how bad it could get wouold understand if he wanted to go. Was told to stop being silly! Feel bad as he’s in army been home for 2 weeks and had to carry me everywhere as legs being a bit rubbish. All sad as left to go back to Germany this morning.


mattymohawk
8 years ago

thanks for the advice.i did the same & offered her an easy walk away if she could’nt deal with things.i don’t mind being single but its left me thinking will every1 i meet walk away when i tell them about my situation.i think she has concerns about what her lad may think because he thinks i’ve just got a bad leg.i don’t want her to stay out of pity but it all left me having a “WHY ME” day full of tears.i’m lucky so far and its the fatigue that gets me worst.still work and go gym but she can’t seem to shake the fear of the unknown future.i think letting her have time to think it through is only fair.i realy don’t fancy being on my own forever.


iang
8 years ago

I FEEL FOR YOU MATTY I REALLY DO . NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS . MY WIFE MARRIED ME 4 MONTHS AGO AFTER YEARS OF PROBLEMS AND RELAPSES AND I WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO IF SHE LEFT ME . I WOULD NOT SWAP HER FOR THE WORLD . TAKE CARE AND I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT …..IAN G X.


gem
8 years ago

Sorry to hear that but if she decides she can’t cope, don’t think that means no-one else will. I told my then bf he didn’t have to deal with it when I was diagnosed. Three months later he proposed and 8 months later we got married. If she’s the right one, she’ll change her mind. If not, you’ll meet someone who will love you and want to support you, rather than walk away.

Take care and keep smiling!


mattymohawk
8 years ago

its good to hear that there are people out there that see love before problems.its just that there are no visible problems.its fatigue & balance that get me most so i’m not needing her around just to help me.the future is uncertain for almost everyone & i’m not gona let ms slow me down without a fight.it is a bit of a worry that any girl i meet could react the same.i might look a bit like a pirate crossed with a mexican prison thug but i still love to love


captainkristoff
8 years ago

Hey Mattymohawk! That’s a real shame about your girlfriend, I got diagnosed a year after meeting my girlfriend and she’s been utterly brilliant and unbelievably supportive. I’m not rubbing it in mate, just trying to tell you that there will be someone who can deal with things and be there for you. You never know, maybe your lady will come to terms with things and if not then don’t be disheartened……
I’ve had MS for 3 years, I’ve had trouble walking (had this when me,and my gf moved in together so she was doing most of the carrying!) Loss of feeling in my hands, hypersensitivity and a few other niggles but like you I love going to the gym and am back training proper again. The last relapse had me out of training for 3 months and lost me over a stone of muscle but its coming back and keeping positive really important.
In summation sir, don’t let this get you down in the long term, you can’t spend time worrying about uncertainties and there’ll be plenty of people you meet with the same approach!


mattymohawk
8 years ago

thank you captain.like i mentioned,i look like a pitbull but i’m a softie at heart n i hate the thort that a girl could see me as a burden.i’m stil in far better shape than my mates & i intend to stay that way.if i was having problems with looking after myself i could understand but i’m more active than people that are’nt ill at all.i always said that god did this to me because my exterior was strong & this happened to train my inner strength,which i’ll admit i’m quite surprised how i dealt with it pretty well.just hurts that if i can keep my chin up why can’t the ones close to me.ms has made me put things in perspective & i don’t waste a second anymore.i’d feel wrong meeting someone & not telling them but i think most girls would have to think about the situation.it’s ashame cos i’m a good bf.i hope you are all right & someone who looks past the letters “ms” comes along


captainkristoff
8 years ago

I’ve had various things for varying periods. I had problems walking about 3 years ago which was how I first knew I had MS, that lasted about 2 months at its worst but has never truly gone away, I can walk absolutley fine it was just running where I struggled, saying that tho I actually ran for the first time in a few years the other week which was nice! I’ve had balance issues which lasted several weeks but have now gone, numbness and loss of control of my hands which lasted about 4 weeks and hypersensitivity in my forearms lasting about 2 weeks. All these things have now gone though and I’ve finally started treatment after various situational issues which I’m sure, had I had treatment earlier, would have meant less relapses….ah well, on the plus side it fortunately isn’t drastically affecting me, I still go to the gym several times a week, go to the pub with friends and live normally like someone without MS. Personally, I’ve found that I “just know” whether symptoms are MS related or not and a quick Google turns up info on symptoms and lots of peoples blogs who’ve had the same.
this site is also a brilliant place for information as we’re all going through the same thing but in our own specific way!


captainkristoff
8 years ago

Gah, ignore that last post, my phone’s playing up, it should have been in another thread! :-S


mattymohawk
8 years ago

it stil sort of applies here.i used to run a lot n same as you walking is ok but tried to run across road to avoid death n i ended up having to do a straight legged hop sort of move because my legs were moving slower than my brain was telling them to.i try to do a few steps running each day n hopefuly i’ll run properly soon.


captainkristoff
8 years ago

Yeah I had the same thing crossing the road, it was early on in my MS life and I’d forgotten my legs didn’t work properly and had to “run” across the road with all the finesse of robocop!
Like I said in my accidental post above, I actually managed to run the other week so there’s hope that the damage isn’t as bad as I had been assuming……hopefully it’s the same for you!


mommyof2boys
8 years ago

It is sad that she can’t deal with it, and she has left you to do so on your own. I seriously just joined this site so I could comment on your post. I wanted to let you know that not everyone is like that, at all. I have been with my husband for 5 years. We started dating a couple of months before my first episode, and I was sure he was out the door. But he looked at me like I was insane, and proposed to me a few days later. My hand was so swollen from the iv steroids that I couldn’t fit the ring on my finger for weeks. There is someone out there for you.


ultradeluxe
8 years ago

I’m so sorry to hear that too, matty.

My boyfriend has MS, and although it’s hard – to the point I feel he’s pushing me away because he *thinks* I’ll leave because of it (his past partners have) – but I made a promise to stand by him no matter what.

Nothing could prepare anyone for this; not from a standpoint of having MS or being the person who loves someone with it. Love outweighs it all, and you’re going to come across someone who isn’t going to be scared off by it.


mattymohawk
8 years ago

hello mommyof2boys & ultradeluxe.its good to hear a positive story from both sides.it’s just that when i was half paralysed in hospital with my second relapse i think she was overwelmed & there was talk of getting married before things get to crazy with the ms & then on xmas day a complete turn around.i was so angry & frustrated that night.like i said to look at me i’m exactly the same,i get burning pain all the time but am always grateful i can still walk.i don’t know exactly whats in her head but i feel realy good lately & its rare that ms changes my routine.i don’t expect anything from the future,i go day by day but i think she looked way to far into the future & thort the worst.ultradeluxe you are living proof that i could come across a girl like you & the partners of other sufferers,that does’nt care that some day i may not be able to do some things but just apreciates being around the person they love.thank you all


glynjamyn
8 years ago

Hi Matty,

Mate, I’m really sorry to hear about what’s been happening to you. It’s all been said above really, and all credit to you for being so understanding, you’re obviously a good guy with a strong heart – so don’t you worry, good things will come to you!

As you say, the only thing we can do is to focus on what we have & what we can do right now, and soon enough you will meet a woman with the same head & things will be good. Any one of use could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow, so what’s the point in worrying too much about futures?

Lord knows, I’ve been dumped a few times for MS reasons (and once for, as ultradeluxe says, pushing someone away due to my own fears of rejection – beware that beastie), but we can but learn from all our mistakes and those of others. And fingers-fingers-crossed, the relationship I’m in at the moment is a sticker & I’m not stupid enough to mess it up…

I hope the past few weeks have not been too bad for you, and the very best of luck with everything moving on,

Glyn


mattymohawk
8 years ago

thank you glyn.i tried to explain the bus situation because it could happen to anyone.people a lot younger than me have many more things to deal with & that thought alone stops me from feeling sorry for myself or moaning about things.i’ll just keep being me & doing what i do & hopefuly one day things will fall into place.for now i’ll keep busy gettin fit & try do some sponsered events.thank you all


mawson
8 years ago

Hi, hope you are doing ok. Said earlier my boyfriend said I was daft when told him to go (never given that chance agin). Is really good for me as makes me do morer for myself. Told my sister knows he’s being a t**t at times, but need to be able to do it.


mattymohawk
8 years ago

i’ve been thinking maybe it was better sooner than later.you lot have give me faith that there is a lot of people out there that won’t be bothered by ms.

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