I've been putting on the happy face for a long time now and it's getting harder to hide it. I'm easily aggravated, angered, saddened. It's taking a toll on my marriage and work life. I'm lost.
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I get you, Jim. I was never a very patient guy to begin with, and after I was diagnosed at 28 I got depressed and angry. Punched a hole through a wall. Kicked a dent in my car. Etc. That was more than 25 years ago. I'm not going to blow smoke here, i9t hasn't always been great. I've changed therapies several times and I'm changing again soon, since it seems like I've had a bad reaction to my latest. But I've never let it define me. I was a volunteer FF when I got my diagnosis and never stopped doing what I was doing for another decade until I moved away from where I was. I also moved several times, changed careers - by choice- a couple times, found the love of my life, got married and we're raising a son together. What I'm trying to say is that part of my depression and anger was rooted in the fear that some morning I'd wake up unable to walk. Maybe I've been lucky, but I still walk and run and wrestle with my boy. Some relapses, but nothing to stop me from living my life. So as a guy, I totally understand, too. We're a minority among the diagnosed. But don't be afraid to get/accept help if and when you need it. I've talked to professionals and that has helped. Definitely worth the time. Find resources and people you can lean on. You don't have to put on a happy face. Let your wife know what you're feeling and why. That could be a good start. Message me if you want to continue here.
@SteveB82 Thank you so much for this. I've spent most of my adult life as the "go to" for people in crisis. It when I had my own that I realized how few people had my back in a similar situation. I guess I always knew what to do to help everyone but myself.