@Constantine_Rosalie

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Constantine_Rosalie

relationships

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with MS about 8 months ago. Since then my relationship with my boyfriend has been going down the toilet (we have been together for almost 2 years). We always fight over stupid reasons, I end up feeling sad or angry and eventually cry my eyes out. My self esteem is nowhere to be seen and somehow he has made me believe that nobody will ever get involved with me seriously because i am ill. He actually pointed out how people with MS have a hard time finding significant others. He apologized after that but I cant help but feel disappointed in him and in my life. After that he broke up with me and one of the reasons was that he wasnt sure he could stand by me and be of help and because he didnt want me to "spend my good years on him" and by good he meant "disabillity-free". He apologized after that and with a lot of persuasion from him i took him back but it was never the same. I get jealous a lot and i feel that every other woman is better than me in every possible way just because they dont have MS. Anyway, long story short i dont know what i am doing wrong in this relationship and i dont know what to do to change things. I am desperately trying to make things work but i dont know if it is because i still love my boyfriend or because i am terrified of being alone. I dont know what to do.. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant, i hope y'all are doing amazing :)

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Hi @constantine_rosalie . You need to start loving yourself, before you can expect someone to start loving you. You are young and obviously desirable. OK, you have MS, but this is now being managed by medication. Everyone has a certain amount of baggage, yours is called MS. You now know that you need to look after your health. The future is unpredictable for everyone, so you are no different. So, pump that self-esteem back up and show him the young lady that he know pre-diagnosis. She's still there.

EdmontonAlberta

@EdmontonAlberta

@constantine_rosalie I always categorize people as "substance" or "fluff". Substance will be by your side through thick & thin; fluff wanders off when challenges appear. 90% of people are fluff - they are there for the fun stuff while it benefits them! The key in life is to find the 1% who you want to share your valuable time on this planet; it actually is that simple. I have been told many times that I am always judging people; they say that as if it is a negative thing. However, this is a talent as far as I am concerned. Imagine my life 10 years down the road ; or in your case, 30 years from now. Will this person make you happy as you journey through life? Will they stand by you when things get rough? There are two sides to the coin; will you do the same for them? Seven billion people on Planet Earth; you only need the top 10 to have an enjoyable life...

Constantine_Rosalie

@Constantine_Rosalie

@stumbler thank you for replying. the "not loving myself" part came during the relationship...But i agree, i have to take care of myself more. :) @edmontonalberta thank you very much for the advice... it's a bit hard to see the truth about someone when you are in love but i guess he kinda looks like fluff. :P Be well friends, thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post!

fiona_payne

@fiona_payne

Constantine ...no one should make you feel undervalued. Hold your head up girl and feel beautiful. Every day remind yourself you are a beautiful woman. You are you first. @stumbler is right...learn to love yourself more, good luck lovely girl

MamaWals

@MamaWals

A good relationship makes you better. A bad relationship makes you worse. Move on. There is nothing wrong with being single. It can be very freeing and it’s a great way to figure out who YOU are without someone else complicating the picture. Once you figure out how to love yourself again you can find someone else if you want - or not. Everyone has baggage. Yours is MS. It could always be worse.

bbdd74

@bbdd74

Hi. I literally just signed up and this was the first post I read. I’ve been married for 15 years and over the last five in particular my wife has played the same card. I’m routinely threatened with divorce and reminded how the courts would never give me custody of our son which is the only thing keeping me going. My advice is to cut yourself free now. I have a child and own two homes...finances are complicated....it almost feels like I’m trapped. You’re not! Fly...he’s out there. Good luck/God Bless!

RogerSouthall

@RogerSouthall

Constantine, self esteem is bound to take a knock and understanding your body when having MS can take time but when in a relationship it is the person you fall in love with and really all that changes is the day to day functions and understanding your capabilities www.wholesorts.com is my monthly blog and I remember feeling low but losing my love was down to a multitude of things, now, and after a lot of learning, I am in a great place, take a read, I hope it helps and good luck

Elisabeth_Turner

@Elisabeth_Turner

What mamawals said!!!! I was where you are 15 years ago. Self-esteem gradually worn away by my then other half until I genuinely thought I couldn't cope without him. Set yourself free. It's empowering. You have to be comfortable that you can live on your own, and support yourself, and you totally can. Who knows what's around the corner, life is an adventure.

EdmontonAlberta

@EdmontonAlberta

@bbdd74 "routinely threatened with divorce"? I grew up old school; my Dad always said the door was over there if we wanted to leave; I did at 17 & my life has turned out well... ;-) I heard that line used on my Mom; she was encouraged to leave especially by me - she always had a home with her children. Mom refused - lived a good life until she died. So I learned to not judge relationships... Friendship request sent - if you would like to chat... Gord

chezy17

@chezy17

To me this sounds toxic and stressful, love is supposed to bring out the best in you, to support one another and pick you up when you fall not bring you down! Personally, I'd tell him to not let the door hit him on the way out. My ex of 15 years, one morning decided he wasn't happy, told me he deserved to be happy and left for greener grass! This was half way through my diagnosis, was it because of this who knows but I'm good now. I know who I am and I've concentrated on me and the munchkins for the last 3 years. I've been abroad by myself, been on road trips with the kids and took them camping by myself! What I'm saying, is that I am stronger! Find something that brings out the smile in you and focus on what makes you happy, you will be fine! We aren't warriors for nothing 😎👊🏼!

Constantine_Rosalie

@Constantine_Rosalie

@fiona_payne @mamawals @chezy17 @edmontonalberta @rogersouthall @elisabeth_turner @bbdd74 @nutshell88 Hello everyone! Thank you all for helping me out here...it really means the world. A little update; we broke up after a fight, he came to pick up some stuff of his from my apartment. After he left he sent a long text in which he talked about how i was the only thing ruining his life and how patient and good he was with me. How he didnt have to go through that MS stuff with me but him being the good person that he is, tried to make it work and stuff. He whined/bragged about me being possessive over him because my parents don't give a flip about me (quite far from the truth, we just dont live together since i graduated highschool) and he is the only one i got....and plenty of other stuff a bit more graphic than what i explained so far. Anyway, it was a sad and kind of funny turn of events and i feel like a train wreck. He tried to ruin as much of me as he could with that text but he also helped me see clearly again. I think it's about time i start caring about me.

chezy17

@chezy17

The I'm gonna blame everything on you to justify my actions kinda speech...been there got the t-shirt. Just look after yourself chick 😊

Constantine_Rosalie

@Constantine_Rosalie

@chezy17 yeah I guess it was the it's all your fault speech...thank you for the support, I wish you all the best!!

Elisabeth_Turner

@Elisabeth_Turner

@Constantine_rosalie make sure you stand strong and don't be tempted back. It can be hard, but think of this a new start, a blank canvas, exciting times. Really, it's for the best. No going back after what he said xx

Constantine_Rosalie

@Constantine_Rosalie

@elisabeth_turner I even now wish there was a way back to how we used to be but I don't think there is. I still care deeply about him and I wish him well, it is stupidly painful to not have him around but there is no going back as you said. I should be alone for a while, it will probably help me back on my feet. I can't thank you enough for all the support... I really wish everyone was as kind and as supportive as the members here. It's like a family 🌼