I was diagnosed in 2006. I still had designs on making a living out of music at the time, so one natural reaction to my diagnosis was to write a song about it.
This was my way of ordering the chaotic thoughts that were racing through my head. By expressing my fears and anxieties by writing them down in verse, I could come to terms better with the knowledge that my life had changed forever.
The one time I performed the song in public it felt great to have the attention of the small crowd, as I bared my soul. No changing the subject or looking away. From behind a microphone and acoustic guitar, I was comfortable telling it like it is for someone with MS.
It’s a shame that I suffered an embarrassing interruption after the second verse when some idiot’s phone went off. The person whose phone it was really should have known better. Because that person was me. At least it was more material for my book, Balls to MS: 20 Years of Discovering Your Body Hates You.
I’m sure you can relate to the lyrics.
MS BLUES
Verse
Pins and needles got hold of my feet
And they won’t let go
Crazy legs got me in a twist
When I say work they say no
When I go to take a piss
I can stand there for hours
I know dear it’s not easy for you
Watching your man lose his powers
Bridge
Will I still work
Or will I have to shirk
My responsibilities
Shall we have another kid
Or shall we just rid
Ourselves of these hopes and dreams
Chorus
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Verse
We’ll be OK in ten years’ time
I know our love is for real
Just hope I’m not looking up at you
From a Stephen Hawking-mobile
Bridge
I might be a cripple
Or always walk tall
You’ll just have to wait and see
If I lose my sight
Or talk with a slur
Will you be there to understand me
Chorus
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
Yeah I’ve got ’em bad
The MS blues
It’s around fifteen years since I wrote those lyrics. So how have things panned out? Well, pins and needles have still got hold of my feet and bladder retention is never going away. We never did have another kid but if we’d desperately wanted one, we would and should have gone for it. The eyesight and speech are fine and I’m still working, albeit in a sedentary role, sitting at a desk all day.
The distance I can walk has reduced each year and I’ve used a stick since around 2015, but I’m still able to get around on two legs. So far, the wheelchair hasn’t found me yet.
It’s interesting looking back on those fears and worries, knowing which ones have proved unfounded up to now. The song acts as a nice little time capsule for me, helping me gain some perspective. That’s why I think it’s useful to keep some kind of MS diary that you can look back on in years to come.
Knowing where you have come from can help you know where you might be going on this mysterious and unpredictable journey.
To hear the song in full, follow this link [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRUOOxzaSG8]. Andy’s memoir Balls to MS: 20 Years of Discovering Your Body Hates You is available from all major online book retailers, including Amazon and Waterstones.
Hi, I’m Andy and I’ve had RRMS for most of this century, though it’s probably Secondary by now. It certainly feels like it. It took a while till my diagnosis in 2006, then in the following three years I had to face up to two other serious health issues, the last of which was life threatening.
But I’m still here. How is all covered in my entertaining and funny memoir, Balls to MS: 20 Years of Discovering Your Body Hates You, which is available in both paperback and as an e-book on Amazon. You can also follow my story on my blog, on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
I live in Yorkshire, England and love writing, history, comedy, music and football. I’m also fond of saying, ‘Balls to MS.’
www.ballstoms.com
Twitter: andy_reynard
Facebook: Balls to MS
Instagram: balls_to_ms
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