@donnahazms

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donnahazms

How many of you have been deserted by their spouse or they just ignore you...

...in general? Maybe I'm being selfish, but I live in almost total silence. My husband doesn't really talk to me and seems so bitter, resentful and angry towards me. He's already had an affair and said it was because he could not handle my MS. I showed him the door and told him he's welcome to go live with her. No sense in all of us living with MS. We have two sons; 21 and 15 who are rarely home. My husband won't leave or let me leave. I can't stand this much longer. The silence, the feeling of resentment. I'm willing to go just so I don't have to feel this coming off of him any longer. Has anyone else here had to go through this?

hairstylst73

@hairstylst73

Yes I just went through this minus the cheating part. I guess it's hard for us to realize sometimes that we are not the only ones going through this. Most men deal with things by ignoring them. My husband I started counseling. It was the door we needed open with a mediator to understand each other. It's not an easy issue but if the love is there it can take time. I know how bad the isolation sucks. Hope it comes to some kind of resolution for you, as the constant stressing about it makes you sicker. (((hugs)))

lloyd

@lloyd

Yes my wife of 39 years has backed away from me completely since my dx two years ago and about two months ago she said to me straight in my face "this is not going to work I want out of this marriage ". Yesterday she said take your money and go get out of my life forever, that was the wrong thing to say because today I opened a new checking account and transferred all my direct deposits to the new account. Things are escalating, but I don't care we have not been intimate in two years and there has been no hugging or touching for that matter in at least two years. Yes I am in need of love I want and deserve and am worthy of love and can no longer live this way. She has begged me to go find a girlfriend so she has grounds for divorce and in the mean time she tries everything in the book to agrivate me. So yes I know exactly what you are talking about. Does anyone know what the divorce rate is for those with ms? I bet its over 80% or higher.

emmak

@emmak

I know of many who have been abandoned by their loved ones. I my case it was not my partner but my parents...

loulou

@loulou

emmaak, your parents......gosh that is awful, that must be so hard for you? can I ask why is that, what on earth did you do to deserve that, just get MS? I do hope you are coping and are OK x

emmak

@emmak

well loulou my parents are doctors and are convinced that they hold the truth and MS is just an excuse for idleness... I suffer from countless ailments that they dismiss as bad excuses for bad behaviour. Oh yeah and my father struck me physically when I told him about being violated in the forest... hmmm... and yes it has been really hard to cope. Still is, though now I am married to a wonderful man, who accidentally happen to have MS too!

jonnydrama

@jonnydrama

My dx was when I was engaged, shes now my wife, I'm lucky enough to have someone who didn't run! Sorry to hear all this, I thought when love was involved 99% of the time partners would be supportive. It really is sad, til death do us part (or whatever the vows if you didn't get married in a church!) really is just a hollow phrase for these people!

stiv3n2000

@stiv3n2000

To donna and the others who have been let down by their partners. All I can say is I'm so sorry for any additional stress this must bring to an already sh*t situation. I'm so fortunate in that my soul mate is like a rock for me. She has to deal with all the additional pressure of trying to consider my condition before her own well being for which I am truly grateful. We've always been close, and when I meat her first it was very early in our relationship that I sat her down and explained my condition. Bit like the 'Gallop' video on here ( without the horse however). I guess this was fortunate as she knew what she was letting herself n for (at least she thought she did :-P ) Morag, I'm so happy wee pal.

jenko1972

@jenko1972

Hi These are terrible stories but they all have hope for my part ive been with the same girl for 22 years and the last 3 have been the hardest. When I got diagnosed I think I got really down but now I think I'm ok. I've made a decision not talk about ms so much at home. I personally found it was taking over my whole life and I didn't want that. Those of you going through a separation I wish you all my luck and best wishes. I don't know much but I know there is an end, and really hope you have a happy one. Neil

donnahazms

@donnahazms

Thank you all for sharing. I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia just before meeting my husband. When he asked me to marry him, I asked him if he was sure due to the fibro. Fibro is no picnic either, but he swore he could handle it, that he loved me. After our second child, 5 years into the marriage, he started traveling a lot, women would call the house. I was suspicious, but really didn't want to know for sure what I thought was going on was going on. I eventually got up the nerve about 4 years ago to put spyware in his computer, because he was disappearing for long hours of time, claiming he was working, but he wasn't. I caught a long conversation with his mistress. Let's just say, I cried a lot that day. I confronted him and he started crying and saying he made a mistake and it would never happen again, but he's treated me no different. If anything, he's become cruel and hateful, so I just try to ignore him. I've tried talking to him in all sincerity about divorce. There really is no sense in being together if all it is doing is hurting both of us. I have to live with MS, he doesn't. I'd much rather live alone than live with someone who resents me and that makes me feel worse than the MS does some days. I really don't have parents to lean on. It's really lonely not having some one to talk to, to laugh with. It's hard. Thank you all for your stories and answers. God bless you all!

donnahazms

@donnahazms

Oh, I mean to say, I was diagnosed with MS right about the time he had his affair.

lightningduck

@lightningduck

Wow, I consider myself very fortunate in that my wife has stood by. Granted, I was dx'd two months ago and my symptoms are still very mild so I'm not sure what stress this will put on our future but....

lloyd

@lloyd

Ok Donnahazms, but he knew there was something wrong with you beforethe dx right?

bubblesgalore

@bubblesgalore

today is my 21st wedding anniversary.... i found out about his cheating in the new year and asked him to leave 20th january... i was then ill and diagnosed with ms in february. i felt lost and asked for his support. however, although he was good to me, he was cold and distant and repeatedly lied about his life. i had enough of him by june 17th this year and am now in the middle of divorce proceedings. i do feel he contributed to my condition. the man played so many mind games with me... it all had to come out in the end. i am now in the divorce process and i dont feel any anger towards him.. he has changed to be a person that i would not socialise with and he is not a reflection of me. we are not as a couple anymore and that is a relief. i am through the worst now. i have met a gentle man. he is understanding and very loving... ok he is not a rich man.... but hey he is doing the loving thing so well, that im just not taking any notice of it lol.. i didnt think i would be in this position today, but i am and i think am dealing with it as well as i possibly can. sending lots of love to you all xxx

choozysuzy

@choozysuzy

All these posts are breaking my heart.The first thing I did when the letter dropped through my letterbox confirming my diagnosis,was give my other half the chance to walk away.He cried and said he couldn't bear to be parted from me.I think he forgets sometime about my condition,hell I forget myself sometimes,but he is there for me at every appointment and every time I break down..I don't know what I would do without him.

scotkiwi

@scotkiwi

I was engaged and then she sat me down with a two page handwritten note, that I had to sign at the bottom. I can laugh about it now as a close escape, but it ultimately boiled down to my MS and the topics discussed on the Orgasm post on here. So been single since then (3yrs now, amazing!) and just cant allow myself to get close to anyone, as I dont want that hurt again.

lightningduck

@lightningduck

Agreed choozysuzy...

loulou

@loulou

Emmak I am absolutely speechless!, i am SO happy you have found happiness with your lovely man! xxx

rollinglikeaboss

@rollinglikeaboss

Mine has to have this illusion that her life is harder than anyone else's on the planet - so she faked a fibro diagnosis. I know people with fibro, and there's no way she has it. She just did her WebMD study and went to the doc. When my sx get worse, so do hers - except when she has friends over or wants to do something that she likes. Well, she didn't realize that my sx are going to continue to progressively get worse - so now she just lashes out at me in a lovely passive-aggressive way. Last year, she kicked me out the bedroom - and she still doesn't let up. What she fails to realize is that I'm not just emotional bank account is overdrawn, but the credit cards are maxed out too. Now, I do a lot of cool stuff (mostly online) with some hobbies and interests of mine. Sure, she now accuses me of having some kind of "secret life", but I just laugh now. I have a kid that's 13 now, and I still want him in a two-parent home - mainly because I want to make sure he has someone to help him through his teenage years. Once he's old enough - I'm divorcing her in a New York second.

donnahazms

@donnahazms

yes, my husband knew I had been diagnosed with fibro right before we met. We've been together for 22 years, I recieved my MS dx about 4 years ago. I'm willing to leave. I'd rather live with my 2 cats, my MS and be referred to as the crazy cat lady than deal with anymore of this.

lloyd

@lloyd

I need to get out of this as soon as possible but would like to still have my shirt on my back if you know what I mean. After being married for 39 years and now being dissabled I don't know how to even meet a woman let alone date. all I know is I need out of this sick relationship I am living inform too long for fear of being alone and I'm alone anyway.

lightningduck

@lightningduck

Damn.. this is a tough thread to read

donnahazms

@donnahazms

That's what's happening to me Bubblesgalore. Mine loves to play mind games. If I ever get out of here, I doubt I ever have another relationship. I couldn't go through this or trust anyone again. I'm alone all of the time now, so nothing would change, but my address and at least I'd have a clean home. Besides me, I have 2 sons living here and not one of them picks up after themselves and lately, I can't do it for them. This is a tough thread. My husband has been mad at me ever since I caught him in his affair. I don't think it was his first.

lightningduck

@lightningduck

I showed this thread to my wife and we talked a lot about it Interestingly, we dealt with a few of these sorts of issues before I was every dx'd and those conversations and resolutions gave us tools that help us know... I can't help believe that they would help many, though I know they would be hard for most

bubblesgalore

@bubblesgalore

all i can say is <a href='https://shift.ms/community/people/donnahazms/' rel='nofollow'>@donnahazms</a> is that getting rid has so far worked for me. i now have peace of mind which is valuable. i am finding that i am now enduring the stress of 'normal' life and not relationship and normal life problems. it has been easier to endure. i just could not handle my stomach being tied up in knots anymore and the continuous lying to my face... how could somebody do that when you're so poorly i just could not fathom out for the life of me? i do have my boys, a grand daughter and now a true gentle man by my side. its still very early days, but i have enjoyed freedom to express exactly how i feel... so i guess inner strength... sorry for the rambles... i truly hope you find peace for yourself.. i hope im on my way xxx

lloyd

@lloyd

bubblesgallor that's easy for you to say, but I just dread the thought of moving out in my advanced ppms and fatigue that knocks me down so quick. These are reasons she has no use for me as I serve no further purpose in her life, and she says I am faking the whole thing. I get so mad yes no more stress or her crazy attacks on me she has emotional blackouts and just goes nuts and then says it never happened. My three grown children said I need to get out before she kills me in my sleep because she is crazy. Just me talking on this site I have to do it when she is not home or around, and she doesent understand ms or care to. She makes excuses saying I am an addict to what I ask I drink once in a while only take ms drugs don't smoke, so what am I addicted to? Is it her? ok now I am sorry for just rambling and blowing off steam.

scotkiwi

@scotkiwi

You're not rambling <a href='https://shift.ms/community/people/lloyd/' rel='nofollow'>@lloyd</a>, please feel free to vent as required! My ex-finace went thru friend by friend why I had to get rid of them, and I wasnt even supposed to goto the gym even!! (this was on page 2 of her list...)

kcdix75

@kcdix75

Diagnosed in March 2012.. Married 7 years.. husband ready to leave... Loving life : )

lloyd

@lloyd

It happens more than we think. Sad but true.

bubblesgalore

@bubblesgalore

ow lloyd, i am so sorry... i am pleased you are using this site as a release. i use it daily. in alot of ways i look forward to reading peoples comments and think i am not alone with this. ups and downs and people on here have opened my eyes to this condition. then it comes to relationships, and i am saddened that quite a few of our partners have reacted in such a negative way. i am thinking of you and hope there are days that you smile and laugh hard... lots of big hugs coming your way xxxx

rachela

@rachela

You know...I'm completely gob smacked by this thread and what some of you have had to go through. I consider myself to be so lucky. Mike (we've been together 10years) has been incredibly supportive over the last 18months and continues to be positive and encouraging despite the diagnosis. There's no reason to assume that we can't enjoy a perfectly normal and happy future together. We have a gorgeous little girl together and I guess I take it for granted that I've got that support available. I'm so sorry you've been hurt guys. At the end of the day, people who can't be there for you aren't worth the time or effort. Negative, self involved people who can't empathise with others just aren't worth it. Life is too short right? Loves x x

lightningduck

@lightningduck

<a href='https://shift.ms/community/people/se7enity/' rel='nofollow'>@se7enity</a> , I wish you well in your search

msRant

@msRant

This thread looks like it hasn't been touched in awhile - I wont let that stop me. I just found this site today so I get to throw my sob story in as well... My wife and I were together for 15 years. I was the one who dealt with everything when it came to house, friends, holidays etc. Most of the time I did it gladly...I loved her. I was dx with RRMS 5 years ago in Toronto, Canada where we lived. When I was first dx-ed she promised and swore that 'she would be there for me and we would deal with this together'.... HA! I lost my vision for a year, I was considered A-typical because the Neurologist couldn't figure out my symptoms and why I wasn't responding to steroids. My mom flew in from Israel and spent 3 months mostly sitting next to my hospital bed and praying. Yeah...I'm a lesbian raised in an orthodox Jewish home. That's another story for a another day. The end result was that my ex. worked constantly moved out of the bedroom to allow me to sleep well - cause the 12 hours I slept during the day would only be enhanced if I slept alone....uh huh It's been 3 years since we've been in touch I had to move to Israel because I couldn't take care of myself and my ex and her family couldn't understand why I wasn't 'snapping out of it' and finding a job or at least something to get me out of the house. I'm at the point now where I filed for spousal support in Canada which by law she is obligated to pay. I'll be damn if I'll let her make me feel guilty for getting sick - Like we have control over it. It amazed me to see up close the woman I thought was my soul mate and planned on getting old with turn into the meanest sanctimonious Bitch I have ever met. I have to say that after 2 years of emotional therapy in dealing with this betrayal I discovered that my anger helps me focus. I found a positive out of it . Each day is a fight but one where I never feel guilty. Of course I want revenge! But I will never let anyone beat me done and try to make me feel guilty for something I had no control over. In time of crisis the mask comes off and we discover who we fell in love with... That's my 2 cents for now. I do hope this helps someone else whose going through this same painful ordeal and reminds them what's important... cheers msRant

pottypete

@pottypete

My second wife swore undying love and that she'd never leave me. She cheated though and I kicked her out. She'd wanted to stay living with me and carry on with her affair, purportedly to look after me, but in truth, it was to keep living the good life, rent free. I got shot of her and feel so much better for it. I may have lost a wife, but I have gained a very loving step daughter, whom I am very close to. Indeed, we are stting up house together in august along with her partner. We are ecstatic about it too. Life's road can be full of potholes, but it has long stretches of smooth tarmac as well.

jamms

@jamms

I was diagnosed when my daughter was 6months, my ex had an affair even before I was diagnosed. He continued his antics and I tried to keep my marriage going! He accused me of being lazy etc, etc!! When I had finally had enough, and brave enough I divorced him....I have been divorced for 12 years and never felt happier. He was a control freak and used 2 put me down in front of family and friends. I have realised that I was the stronger person in the relationship and the best thing from this marriage were my 2 children, now 28 and 26. my kids were amazing and they still are. Their father has not contacted them in 8 years!! His loss, as I have 3 beautiful granddaughters who give me all the joy and love I need. So take heart in my story.........Bless you all

Anthony1

@Anthony1

Wow! Their are so many heartless bastards in this world. I have met one of the good ones. I have been married nearly 20 years despite being dx over 25 years ago. The right person is out their for you all. Never give up, they will come along when you you least expect it. All the best, A........

jonnydrama

@jonnydrama

Taking it out of romance - the world is full of people that act this way in all kinds of circumstances, work, friendship, even complete strangers. At work my uncle is my MD, one of the guys who works at another company (I won't bore you with the full details) has MS and his boss said he doesn't go into work when he's got fatigue. Of which my uncle and my manager (who is my brother!) basically rather disgustedly and completely didn't believe that he could be fine one minute and not the next. I did explain that that was fully possible but also the flipside is people can abuse it, which they can! But it really makes me 50/50 on what will happen if I get symptoms akin to his. People so often say one thing and mean another! Hoping my missus sticks around like she says she will.