The Night Is Darkest Just Before Dawn
So it's almost a week since I literally felt like I wanted to end everything. I don't know how many others have felt like throwing the towel in. Sometimes it feels like this illness is very cruel; slowly stripping away functions from you. I know (being brutally honest) that not being able to pass a motion without laxatives has been a real low point for me. I wonder if these new symptoms will stay (as some have) or whether they will dissipate (as some have). It's hard to think too far ahead, that's just it, I don't need to think about tomorrow. Today's trouble is enough for today. At times I just think all I've got to do is survive the next hour. This must of been something I did as a child when I went through the physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I'm not a victim of that though as I survived and even though I feel broken by the MS I am still the surviour I always have been. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a little pat on the back... because seriously some people would have quit a long time ago and we are all still here fighting. I remember watching Winnie the Pooh yonks ago and Christopher Robin telling Pooh Bear 'You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.' Which is true of all of us fighting MS. We are brave, how can we be brave unless we are truly afraid? I think we are super strong just for managing to function at all alongside this illness. We are smarter than we think as we've found ways to survive 100% bad days to date. So this illness may be s**t and there will be many more days when I feel like giving up and many more tears shed but I'm alive... and today I'm just happy for that. Anyway, random ramblings of a nutter!
@ashia2013 , well, from one nutter to another, we have to learn how to keep our head down and wait for the storm to pass sometimes. We just can't allow ourselves to get stressed by it all as that is really counter-productive, in a harmful way. Stay strong.
Well, you just said it all really..xx It is funny how we cope with it isn't it? Inner strength in the face of adversity etc.. you don't realise what s*** you can handle 'til you have to do you? I empathise with the passing a motion thing, and it bothered me for a long time. Then I discovered the joy of ALL BRAN breakfast cereal... just a bowlful at about 7pm with cold milk (left to soak for 20 minutes), with a spoonful of sugar, and bingo, regularity! :) It's not got much taste to it, so I sprinkle on a few Cheerios as well..hahaha. It takes a day to get into the system.But it beats getting into the whole laxative thing. So good to hear a positive comment for a change too! No, you aren't a nutter, and perhaps the only positive thing that comes out of MS is that it tends to project your thoughts inwardly. You do find out a lot about yourself. As stumbler says, stay strong, and may I add cheerful? There's a whole lotta worse S**T out there.