Erm please don’t beat urself up for anything that first few appointments are a numbing blur for most of us u r there but not really u r on a kind of autopilot ur engaging but not really. This thing is hard and it starts normally way before the diagnosis the condition is as individual as u r and we each cope with that differently. I’ve said this before and I will probably end up saying it a hundred times more’ we can’t all be overnight warriors’ some of panic, go numb and genuinely need time, space and even counciling to process ‘this big thing’ and learn to cope with that what that means for us personally. And that’s ok because u r not not coping ur just human and it takes time to learning coping strategies and build our support structures & resilience. There are lots of resources, formats and advice that I could give u but I don’t want to overwhelm or bombard u with info ‘I think ur going through enough’ so what I want to say is try to breath through it all, try not to google u will scare urself silly and others experiences do not have to be urs promise - keep fighting ur stronger & braver than u think and it will get easier - I can’t tell u when, where how or why just that it will Sending u much support take care of u & urs. Chin up chicken 🤝😊💪🤞✊❤️‍🩹👍🍀