@Amy2107 

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Amy2107

MS and Relationships

I'm looking for advice on how to handle discussing MS with a partner. I've been diagnosed with MS for nearly 18 months now, and now it is starting to have a very negative effect on my relationship, to the point he wants to end our 2 and a half year relationship. He wants to end it because I don't talk to him enough about how i'm feeling, even though I don't feel as though I need to talk. However when I do talk, I don't think he fully understands how i'm feeling and takes it the wrong way. I guess this is probably why I don't talk, it's easier to deal with it on my own. It doesn't help that his mum is a nurse, and often suggests things like taking a tonic to help with the fatigue. Our sexual relationship has been suffering for some time because I'm often not in the mood, and when we do it's often uncomfortable which I don't always say because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he can always tell. Maybe this is all my fault. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation and able to offer some advice? I've taken steps already by contacting my nurse for local support groups to talk to, to help me unlock my incapability of talking about how I feel with loved ones. Thank you in advance x
@Stumbler

@amy2107, it is difficult to maintain a relationship, when MS rears its ugly head. You may "own" the condition, but it can adversely affect anyone close to you. Life is a journey, which we choose to take with a partner. The introduction of MS will make that journey somewhat different to what you had planned, but can still be taken together. The operative word there is "together". You both need to own and manage the MS. Any other way just causes stress in the relationship, and this stress can actually make the MS worse! If your partner isn't involved. he'll be unaware of what you're going through. He won't know what to do or say to make it better for you. He probably feels quite helpless and out of his comfort zone. As to the physical side of your relationship, he could be concerned that he'll be hurting you and may need reassurance. The "elephant in the room" is the MS, which is located between you. You need some emotional closeness, before you can consider physical closeness. Otherwise, as you've experienced, it's uncomfortable and not satisfactory for either of you. Offer to educate your partner regarding MS. The MS Trust do some good publications, which can be read online or you can get hard copies. The "Newly Diagnosed" section is a good starting place:- https://support.mstrust.org.uk/shop MS can be very unforgiving to a weak relationship. It can also make strong relationships wobble. You do need to discuss what you both want and how to achieve that. All things are still possible.

@Amy2107

@stumble Thank you for this. He has already taken upon himself and ordered the all the materials you mentioned, and we’ve gone through them together. He feels I don't do enough for my MS, he can't understand why I take a form of medication which has no effect on my day to day symptoms, and aren't trying additional medications to combat these. I have one last shot at trying to keep my relationship this evening, but he's already said there's nothing I can say or do to change his mind! If this truly is the case, i'll need external support more than ever.