In high school the seniors used to do “senior projects” to be able to graduate. These projects were about a topic we chose to research and then with the help of a mentor, try to help out society. Ironically my project was “Living with MS”. During my research (and most of it was from early hypnosis and experts experimenting on their theories on where ms starts and how they think it will be cured or the length of life before the grim reaper comes for us. The irony is I refused to accept that I have the basic symptoms of loss of balance, sensations, and control of my body. I was falling constantly and sprained ankles or hairline fractures somewhere on my body. Then the first week of the second semester I had fainted and missed three weeks without informing the school. That was the start of my journey, which, after diagnosis, led me into a deep depression, self hate and harm, and loss of my family’s trust that I can care for myself. Counciling helped me understand that I blame myself as well as hate myself and deep down I feel like I deserve to feel more pain and to be punished. So I would punish myself.