Hey.
I'm not completely new here but I was more the silent member here so far.
I just feel so in the wrong place in my life now, I don't know how to not go crazy or drown in depression.
I got diagnosed last year. Actually it was exactly one year ago. Maybe also that 'anniversary ' does something to me. After one year I haven't 'accepted' this diagnosis. I don't WANT to accept because I haven't ordered this. If I hear a person say that to me one more time I'm gonna lose it.
I don't look sick, noone knows what's happening inside. I deal with everything by myself, sometimes I talk to my brother.
I have twin girls, 13, they are my rocks. I think they deal with everything best. I have a husband who can't deal with it at all. I went to all of my doctor's appointments alone,he wouldn't make time.I can't count how often I heard that karma did this. Karma brought MS to me cause I was a bad wife to him. Said to me MS might be hard for me but it isn't as hard as it is for him. Comments like 'what's wrong with you'/'why you walk like this ' and so on.
I have no energy for this. I also have no energy for a divorce. I've been asking him to move out since months. He refuses, says it takes so long to find the right place. Says he's looking, but he for sure isn't.
I have no energy for this.
I had to close my physiotherapy practise after 18 years. Now I'm not self employed anymore. After being at home for almost a year I started working at a physical rehabilitation clinic. And - I hate it. I seriously hate what I do there. I used to like my job. I feel so much like an alien everywhere. Even in my own body.
I always kept my circle small, so I never had many close friends. But during the last year I changed and all my relationships to my friends died. I couldn't deal with them anymore.
I think what I'm feeling is loneliness. I feel left alone. I was hoping, actually expecting support, maybe a strong shoulder to lean on. What I learned is you can't expect anything from anyone. I didn't like people before my diagnosis, I can't deal with them now. My face can't disguise how I feel.
I'm not expecting a comment on this post, it's just sharing my emotions.
You might not be expecting it but I’m still gonna. Am sorry your going through all that and wish the best for you in the future. Life is already hard enough don’t need others dragging you down more. And Ik it’s a lot different being behind a screen but you got tons of support on here. We might not be able to really be there for ya but we’re always here willing to give you an ear to vent to and support you through these shitty times and hope to see them turn into better times.
I am so sorry that you don’t have a stronger support team…whether family or friends. I think your comments were very honest and to the point. My situation isn’t exactly the same, but your feelings resonated with me…and I’m sure resonated with a lot of readers! It is hard when symptoms are invisible—-easy for others to think you are doing just fine—-when actually you may be really hurting a lot of the time. What resonated most to me is the fact that we experience loss…perhaps loss of a former career, loss of some former friends. The loneliness is so strong at times. Yes, SOME people will tend to leave you alone to deal with this on your own. I don’t know the full answer. Like, you, I am learning to cope every day with this. The only thing I know for certain is that God’s love is the ONLY source of hope for me. I am learning to give my worries and anxiety over to Him. God is helping me to see more of the positive gifts in my life. I don’t have exactly what I wanted in all respects, but I cling to the good things and good people. Your honest venting gives us reassurance. A lot of people may not want to hear it but ALL of us need to vent about what we are experiencing. I get jealous of people who seem to feel really good and who have a lot of energy and positivity. Then I feel guilty about being jealous…. I have to replace these thoughts with better ones. A work in progress.