Hypervigilance 🤪
I feel like every since my diagnosis I've been limiting myself mentally with what I can do. Prior to being diagnosed I knew something was wrong and I just kinda pushed through everything and dealt with it. Now im quicker to relax and not push myself which is good, but my problem is I've lost most of my interest in pretty much anything. I feel stressed about the what- ifs and then I get to a point to were I tell myself pretty much fuck everything because whats the point if things can change so quickly. Im trying to stay positive and im in relatively great health due to the circumstances so im great fulfillment for that. I just feel stuck mentally with how to move forward with all this.
That's my constant back and forth. I try really hard to stay positive... Then something new starts and I get frustrated and start feeling like there's no point to trying. It's physically and mentally ups and downs. I get energy bursts and try to get everything I've put off done, almost manic about getting to it. Then suffer the next day or two for what I've done. I feel like my house is never clean anymore. And I'm someone that likes everything in it's place and tidy ...I had to give that up and then I get depressed at home looking around so I stay in my bedroom most of the evening.
This sounds slightly familiar. What worked for me was prioritising. I made a list of things I like to do, things I want to achieve, things I'm responsible for and then sort of prioritised each category. This focused my attention on working towards one goal and a couple of hobbies (so I put other things out of sight so I wouldn't feel sad I couldn't do whatever it was anymore). And showed me where my responsibilities were asking too much from me (got help cleaning, started batch cooking, had groceries collected...) The list is on the freezer and gives me and my partner a visual of the bare minimum on one end to what I most need help with on the other end and really focuses my energy. After a while I noticed I saved so much energy that I occasionally got more towards the side of lower priority things.