Shift.ms is better if you're logged in

It’s been about two months since I got diagnosed with MS, and today it finally hit me: this is forever. It’s not like I didn’t already know it. I have other chronic illnesses, so I understand the whole “chronic means forever” thing. But there’s something about MS that feels different, like a heavier weight I didn’t realize I was carrying until now. Maybe it’s because it feels so unpredictable. One day I can function just fine, and the next, it’s like I’m walking through molasses while my brain’s playing static. I keep thinking, What if it gets worse? What if there’s another relapse? There’s no clean way to wrap my head around it. I think I’ve been holding onto some kind of hope that it wouldn’t feel this heavy, that I could just add it to my list of diagnoses and move on. But it’s not just another thing to “manage.” It’s a part of me now, whether I like it or not, and I’m still trying to figure out how to exist with it. I know it might sound dramatic, but I just needed to get it out. I think part of me is mourning the version of myself that didn’t have to think about this—about pacing my energy, tracking symptoms, or wondering if I’ll ever feel normal again. I guess I just wanted to share because I know some of you get it. How did you cope when it finally sunk in that this is for life? I could use some perspective right now.