Two and a half years through
Hi,
I've not been here for ages because it wasn't good for my mental health. I just really needed a safe space to vent. I'm on the maximum dose of Sertraline at the moment but I don't feel that it's helping enough.
I was diagnosed with RRMS in December 2022 and my life has completey changed since then.
I went from being a happy, busy, positive person to a shell of my former self over night.
I used to work 60-80 hours per week on my own business as a bookkeeper and VA, which I ran for 17 years, I was a very active mum of three, I went out at weekends, went to the gym, I was on a PTFA committee for 14 years, I was a school governor for 8 years, I networked, I cleaned the house, I barely slept and I was constantly busy.
Now my friends have just about disappeared, I've given up my business. I've gained about 2 stone. I lost my business so I got a job 7 months ago, it's an office job and I work 15-20 hours per week but it kills me. I have to nap every afternoon. I constantly get colds, coughs, chest infections, tonisilitus etc and it takes me forever to shake it off. Luckily my kids are 14, 16 and 18 so although raising three teenagers is hard work, at least I get to sleep at night. Whenever I go out and I am around people, I end up catching something.
On top of all of that, I have ADHD, which makes living with my MS even worse.
I am 44 and I feel like my life is over. I am never going to have the energy and the peace of mind that I used to have.
On Sunday, I had a rare moment of pure joy, sat on the sofa and chilling out with my hubbie and three kids. Afterwards I felt so sad because I realised that I haven't felt happy for such a long time.
I love my new job, but it is killing me and I am falling behind with everything. I constantly struggle to make it to appointments because I forget (part ADHD, part MS). I constantly procrastinate and make myself ill.
I can't even bookkeep anymore because I feel that my brain is broken. I literally can't retain information (had to sit for a minute to think up the work retain :D)
I thought that two and a half years in, I'd be doing better.
Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
It's a day by day thing and the good days aren't perfect but you make the most of them.
I was diagnosed in 2023, like you this has turned my world upside down! I’ve lost my job as a self employed support worker! MS has taken everything from me, but you have to make the most of what you’ve got. I’m meeting up with a support group on Friday in my area, as friends don’t know how to deal with my illness! So I thought it may well do me good to spend time with like minded folk. Give it a try, as it’s good for your mental health. Try to remain positive, and hopefully things will eventually settle down for you.