I am so sorry to hear how awful you feel. I tried writing last night, but I deleted the post as I worried, and still worry now about saying something with good intentions that just makes you feel that I don’t understand or appreciate how bad things are for you. I know what it’s like to be in that situation. It just makes things worse.
I’m in my early 40s and one way or another illness and disability has ‘kept me outside of life’ for pretty much all of it. I was housebound pretty much all of my 30s (in bed for most of 2013). I can’t identify with everything you are going through, but I do understand emotional pain.
This may sound obvious, but have you tried antidepressants? I tried so many before finding a combination that worked. I now take one tricyclic, one ssri, one atypical antidepressant and one (sometimes two) mood stabilisers. I would have thought a cocktail like that mad years ago, but it is the only thing that has given me relief. The pain of the daily reality still hurts, but less so and I can cope with that better now the pathological emotions are being addressed. Signing up here has helped to. I hope to find a physical world support group too soon, but I am anxious as I’ve not ‘talked’ face to face with anyone for a decade. But, isolation was killing me.
As for physical pain: pregabalin, gabapentin, amitriptyline, clonazepam, sativex, baclofen, carbamazepine? I know they all have side effects, but sometimes these can be managed.
Some people swear by talking therapies…
I wish I could offer something more concrete…