graham100 30/03/15
Last reply 2 years ago
Things people say without meaning it.

Explanation. The useless OT. Was taking so long to sort out if I could have a stairlift. So I bought one off EBay. My brothers went and removed it from sellers house bought it back to my place and fitted it. It is like new, and only cost me £50,, in front of everyone. (Family) my wife said,, your so lucky. (Haha yes I feel really lucky) I said. We all fell about laughing. Which is Not hard for me,, only need to try and stand up. lol

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2 years ago

@graham100 , there’s too many that engage the mouth, before putting their brain into gear!

They don’t mean it. 😳

2 years ago

I would personally prefer it to be like that than awkward silences and people struggling to find things to say without trying to offend and as @stumbler said they mean it.

2 years ago

@graham100, I obviously only know my own experiences, but I notice 2 things from your explanation that resonate with me. Others cannot possibly relate to our situations. I can’t relate to yours and we both have MS. I find nobody is comfortable with my MS. It is a strange phenomenon that I never thought about before MS. People are uncomfortable with chronically ill people it seems. I don’t know if it reminds them of their own mortality or what? It apparently takes VERY special people to be truly supportive and they are few and far between. I really only have 1 or 2 that fall into that category. Oddly enough, they are not even family. The second thing I noticed is that I am very sensitive about it. Nobody really understands what we have lost except others that are, as my son so simply described me as “unlucky”. I was at a concert sitting in my scooter with the other disabled next to a wheelchair with a woman that was born “unlucky” who told me unsolicited that I “would find my disability more difficult because she never knew anything else.” I have learned more about life since MS than my entire previous life I think. She was that rare person that knew what to say. She had perspective.

2 years ago

Poor you has to be the best one of all !!!! If only they new our suffering

2 years ago

yeah thats similar to when i pull out my scooter. Yeah I joke around how I’m hot up my scooter and laugh but deep down I’ll love to walk eround not scoot around. People just don’t understand.

2 years ago

@mbrsinc – true, but (for me) as long as one or two people DO understand, it’s fine. I also think that you can put MS in the same bag as other long-term conditions: not physically, I know, but there is a lot in common e.g. anxiety, depression, side-effects of medication. When I was dxd I felt completely alone – one sick person among everyone else who was healthy. Not so now. In fact, I only know one person my age who isn’t on serious meds. As you say, perspective is everything.

2 years ago

For me I would rather things were discussed openly, honestly and frankly, I don’t want someone taking a long time to work out what they can or should say to me because I now have a disability and as a minority I may now be more offended by words used in an unfortunate combination.

It offends me more that I have to be treated with kid gloves now because MS has clearly not only buggered up my mobility, it’s taken every shred of common sense I had and replaced it with a winey little thing which embodies everything I detest.

In this day and age people are constantly looking for reasons to be offended by what people say or offended by proxy for others. There’s a fantastic Reginald D Hunter sketch where he describes someone asking advice because they ‘think’ they might have been racist. The story goes on to describe a person bumping into someone in a darkened cinema and instantly uttering the words ‘I’m sorry I didn’t see you there’ before realising the person is not white …. It’s dark you couldn’t see a thing there was no evil in your heart but now you have the fear. People now remove the words walk, feel, sick, health, etc from what they say to me, it’s like their minds sort the words through a ‘disable friendly word filter’ before they speak them to me. I’M STILL ME !!!! I am the same ME who a year ago you would have talked to ‘normally’ yet now you treat me differently … I haven’t asked for this I don’t want this, I want people to see ME before they see the MS 🙁

So I have the rolling gate of a Drunk Race Jockey, randomly my left leg just disappears from under me and I tip sideways like the Only Fools and Horses bar sketch, and sometimes I talk like Yoda because I have MS, but I’ll be damned if I expect people to treat me with kid gloves and carefully moderate every word they utter in case something offends me, I will decide what offends me and I will let you know. the first thing that offends me is people treating me differently or talking to me differently because two nasty little letters are now my constant companion.

@graham100 I read your first post and thought ‘several thousands of pounds of stair lift for £50 and two talented slaves to install if for free, damn right that’s very lucky’ hope if I’m in that situation I would have the same luck

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