Last reply 2 years ago
Seriously annoyed and very low

Hi I’m seriously annoyed and on a low eb now. I thought my partner would understand what ms is. I thought he new what the symptoms are. But it’s all been slammed back in my face it’s my fault the relationship has broke down its my fault I don’t want to do any as being exhausted a lot of the time, it’s my fault for everything. I don’t need this kinda stress not at the moment as I no it will bring a relapse on. And to top it all I have now somehow got to try to get to my appointments, I have no car as I’m not around to drive.i really could do with out all this stress. Seriously fed up with it……

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2 years ago

@simon2016 , I understand exactly how you feel. Our partners have limited understanding of what we are dealing with 24/7. We just have to acknowledge that our MS is also causing pain to our partners. They don’t like to see us how we are, don’t know how to make it better and don’t know how to behave with us.

MS is a disruptive influence in any relationship. If there is any weakness in the relationship, MS will exploit it and make it worse.

Let’s get one thing straight, this isn’t all your fault. You never asked for MS, but we try and do what we can.

You’re right, you don’t need this stress, so give yourself sometime to calm down from this upset. Then, concentrate on this relationship. See if you want to save the relationship and see what you can do about it.

Do come back and use this forum to let off steam. It’s best to do that here, where we understand, rather than create an atmosphere at home.

2 years ago

Hi, I can relate to what you are saying unfortunately I separated from my husband in the summer despite him knowing I had MS when we got married and he took the vow in sickness and in health and all that in the end he just couldn’t cope with it.
He said ‘HE’ got frustrated that we couldn’t do social things like we used to do and he didn’t feel strong enough to support me with my worsening symptoms. In a way I respected his honesty but also felt I was being punished for having this illness when I didn’t ask for it. It turns out he’s a pretty selfish guy and I was a burden for him.

Six months on and I’ve moved back to my home town for family support, my whole life has been uprooted but I’m happy and content . Now I can nap when I want to and not make excuses for things I don’t have the energy to do. I don’t have to make a huge effort to disguise my drop foot when walking around the house etc. I haven’t had a big relapse brought on from the stress, don’t get me wrong it’s taken it’s toll with the stress and I’ve had bad fatigue and worsening mobility but nothing major. The past 6 months have been the toughest 6 months emotionally but I realise now him not being able to cope with my MS was only making me worse and I’m better off on my own.

Have you got family or friends nearby who can help out with lifts to appointments? Moving cities was massive for me but it was what I needed to do so I have the support I need and deserve.
Good luck and stay positive!

2 years ago

Hiya im24 I’m sorry to here that I no in most cases the in sickness and health vow is taken seriously by a lot of people but their are just a few where those words are hollow. I no its cruel but in some ways it’s better to be single art least you can focus on yourself and your condition with out the thought of worrying about others or making excuses. Yes it’s horrible but I have felt this has been brewing since being diagnosed in December you can teach and preach all you want to partners but as soon as those words are said MS they cut themselves of and go in to their little pits. My x is making thing difficult and very hard as in the last hour or so he’s been threatening me with the mental health act. As we have a joint tenancy I can’t and won’t refuse him into this property until he becomes aggressive which I no he will. It’s happened before. I’m just recovering from drop foot but I’ve noticed tonight that’s it’s got back as bad as ever along with this numbing dull headache time pain on the right side of my face, I had it before but never thought about it till now. I’m just sick and tired of being treated like rubbish more so now. He’s got serious mental health issues and believe me I’ve tried to get him, to the doctors but it’s like hitting a wall he is on Medstead but it’s happening again where he’s goes of the rails every six weeks but this time it every weekend. He keeps moaning we don’t go anywhere but theirs nothing I can do about it. I get seriously irritated especially and night it’s just a no winner. Prob best being on your own. As I gotta think of number one now and put my health first.

2 years ago

I am sorry that your mate isn’t the person you thought he was. When my aunt found out she had MS her husband divorced her immediately, I know several women whose husbands left them after being diagnosed. My husband is very supportive but still has his moments. He was scolding me the other day about not being able to remember whether I did something a few moments earlier. I felt like holding up a big card that said REMEMBER ME THE LADY WITH MS. I just held my tongue, caretakers need to blow off steam. If he gets worse I will have a talk with him I don’t want him to treat me this way for the rest of my life. Potter

2 years ago

Sounds as though you need to channel these negative emotions into making a plan to get out. I imagine that being rid of the burden of your partner’s mental health will be the most positive thing you can do for your MS. Sending you big hugs xxKay

2 years ago

I’m totally with every & all the above comments
possible marital breakdown is a primary purpose forme joining here,
the stress increases the MS symptoms, no support from loved one However I’m feeling better already from just being on here

As I found out about an hour ago – you are not alone – stay on here rant away & express any joy here to, it’s very theraputic to get it out


2 years ago

Hi, this is my first time on this forum. I totally understand where you are coming from. I was diagnosed in 2003 a week after my 21st birthday but, had my first onset when I was just 16 years old. I told my ex husband years before we married. I went years between onsets so he starting believing that I was lying and nothing was wrong with me. He had completely no understanding of what MS was and seemed not to care. It was hard on me being alone with no one who understood. Not family or friends. We had 3 kids, I was a stay at home mom with absolutely no assistance. My parents were too busy feeling sorry for themselves thinking my illness was their fault that they didn’t know or want to know how I am doing. Thank you everyone for letting me know that I’m not alone! I want to cry right now but my children are around me and I don’t want to worry them, they are my biggest support system at ages 11,12, and 16. They make sure that I don’t forget to take my meds, what I went to the grocery store to get and so much more.

Once again thank everyone so much for lending an listening ear and sharing your stories of MS.

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