Last reply 5 months ago
My partner was just diagnosed.

Hello all,

My partner was just diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS this year. I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can support her. Thank you in advance 🙂

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weef29
5 months ago

I’m trying to think of the best ways I’ve been supported since diagnosis and other than my family who have been amazing I have to say my best friend has been a godsend. The way she deals with me is she treats me completely normally and we try to laugh at the whole situation, But at the same time she quietly in the background does small things that help me out and take the weight off.
Treat her normally but also be aware that mentally and physically she might just need a breather and somebody to look after her every now and again. But everyone seems to be different too so hopefully more people will have advice for you.
It will be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for you both but you will find your rhythm eventually. If you need any specific examples just message me as I’m on the other side wishing I was brave enough to explain to most other people that I need them all to treat me the way she does! Hope this helps a bit.


edmontonalberta
5 months ago

@hhobbs

We might live down the street from each other; maybe not. But I do live in Edmonton – friend me then send a private message if you would like to chat.

We could hit a restaurant; you & I – or I could meet your partner for dinner if that works for them. Whatever helps…

@weef29 – I love & live with your attitude. Too bad we do not live closer…

Gord


somehills
5 months ago

Can’t help you as to how you deal with the shock (my partner already had it when we got together). Hers was noticeable when we met but very much worse now, over a good number of years. Try and be there for her on good days but on bad days, be there for her more. The chances are there will be rocks in the road beyond the obvious. Every person with MS gets slightly different symptoms, they come and go, some people never have progressive symptoms, the majority seem to eventually in my experience. It will be the unexpected things that will catch you out. It becomes harder to make firms plans (MS can disrupt those). Once my partner had stopped working her friends drifted away one by one. That has to be disheartening – the truth is that they were never true friends in the first place and the true ones tend to stick around. Give your partner no reason to doubt her total faith in you because do remember MS and stress don’t go together well. So try to make your home a happy one. The fact that there are bad days can make the good ones SO much better!! You might be surprised by your partners mood changes, that tends to be the disease and not the person – teach yourself to deal with it not fight back. Good luck.


edmontonalberta
5 months ago

@somehills

Completely agree. From the day we are born – nobody knows our future.

My 1st wife died almost 24 years ago from Scleroderma; she had solid friends who still miss her (as I do). She was a wonderful woman.

With the right partner, life is worth living!


zarah
5 months ago

Hey I was diagnosed this year and the only advice I can give u is just be there for your partner through the good n especially the bad sometimes simple things will go a long way. I know I have been a pain n the backside wiv my mood swings but my husband has been great just letting me have my rant/cry till am done n just cuddling me after cos he knows it’s just one of many bumps on the road.

Also make sure u are supported as well can take a lot of stress for you. so make time for you not just your partner.


peterfrancis
5 months ago

Hi hhobbs

The only thing you can do for her is be there for her.
Be there to listen to her concerns, when she wants/needs to let off some steam and vent some anger.

You yourself could help not only by offering assistance when needed but also by researching the Disease yourself so that you have an understanding of what’s going on and what to expect.

All the best


stumbler
5 months ago

@hhobbs , it’s good of you to join us on behalf of your partner.

You might find this short video of benefit to you :-

https://shift.ms/msreporters-video/3-bits-advice-give-partner-someone-ms


arbee
5 months ago

It’s a simple one but the most important thing my partner can give to me is patience. Some days I’m OK and we can do normal things but other days I’m suffering and I can’t do much at all, I can see that this is frustrating for her, especially if we have made plans but just be patient and accept that it’s not their fault 🙂


nikkigo
5 months ago

Hi hhobs
Lovely question. Please encourage her to keep on living as fully as she can. Laugh together, experience new things, try new tastes.
Adapt to allow for limitations but don’t be limited by not taking action.
Please encourage her to do everything she can to keep strong physically, emotionally, psychologically. Make sure she doesn’t sit and wait for future progression rather wring every ounce out of life as it now. 💜


hhobbs
5 months ago

Thanks everyone! The initial shock of the diagnosis came in waves, but I think we’ve mostly accepted it now. (I can’t speak for her but that’s how it seems.) I’m very grateful that we know the reason for her symptoms, and that she’s on a treatment plan. I don’t think I will be seeing myself treating her much differently, I plan on being there for the good and the bad, that’s what committed relationships are all about, even without something like MS. We’re both going to eat better and exercise together. I organized an MS walk team and we’ve raised over $600 so far.

I really appreciate the advice and will certainly put it into practice. I’m going to remember to be patient, and keep on living our lives the way we want to. Thanks again, this is a great platform for this kind of conversation.


rosiemcgx
5 months ago

Hi @hhobbs 😊

I was only diagnosed at the beginning of April so I’m still a newbie but firstly I’d say by reaching out and seeing what you can do to support her shows how much of a wonderful support you already are! Nothing has really changed with me and my husband – other than confirmation that he really is my one and only – we’re carrying on as we did before and when we need to adapt we’ll do it together. When I want to talk about the RRMS he’s there for me with listening ears and when I don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to, it only gets airtime when we decide!

We were just discussing the “cards that life has dealt us” (2018 hasn’t been so kind) and he really simply said that if there was a choice he would stick 😇 super cheesy I know but it was a wee worry of mine, in the back of my head that he might see me or feel differently about me, so it was a lovely reassurance for me!

Take care of each other x


hhobbs
5 months ago

Thanks again for the advice everyone. 🙂

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