Visit with the Neurologist was extremely strained. She says while those MULTIPLE large white spots on the MRI have not changed in a year, she doesnt believe I have MS. I did get emotional-not that I want to be diagnosed with yet another auto immmune assasingator, but I have no answers. Its been two days now since my emotional break down over this and I’ve spent the time going inside myself and thinking about how I want to handle this.
It took me 12 years to get an RA diagnosis. Meanwhile alot of progression took place. I was told it was in my head repeatedly. I think that was why I broke down the other day-I cant bear going through that for another 12 years. I spoke to my husband’s aunt who has been living with MS for well over 30, and her words were “it is a fight”. I dont have that fight left in me. The doctor did rule our an anuerism tho and said the old blood on my brain was probably from the fall I took in my house two years ago.
Meanwhile, I have resigned myself to not think about this anymore. Sell my car since I can no longer drive. Buy all kinds of cooling aids to assist when I get over heated. There isnt anything more I can do. I cannot bear the thought of one specialist after another, and all the while praying that they believe me, only to feel side swiped when they give me that look that says “I think your faking”. Im over all that. It is whatever it is. I think the best way for me to deal with this is to treat my own symptoms as best I can.
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