johnathanmac 28/02/15
Last reply 3 years ago
I finally left my job.

I took this out of the diary I write in, I’m just looking for other peoples experiences. I’m curious as to the questions below and peoples changes due to MS.

How long did you hold on to the past?
What did you hold on to?
What did you make your new goal in life due to MS?
Did you have a conflict of emotion from the change?

Diary Entry – Friday 27th February:
“So yesterday I was terminated from my job. After 68 weeks of being ‘on the sick’ they have finally let me go. It was mutually agreed upon and I’m both happy a sad over it. I was great at my job, not my words. I had 7 years of service, managers even asked me for advice, I was a temporary Manager for 2 years, a trainer and mentor to new employees and even dabbled in the IT side and the administration side. I loved the people I worked with and the manager that overseen my termination was a man I had trained from scratch and mentored.

It hit me harder than selling my bicycle that I could no longer use. I liked to kid on with my wife that my bike was my mistress, I even gave it a name, I talked to her like a person and she would tell me when she was hurting so I could fix her. My work was the same, I knew it well and knew how to fix things when they are broken but both the managers who overseen my termination where genuinely sorry to see me go and that made it worse somehow.

I wanted my work to be short and sharp with me so I could remember the bad things about my work and I would feel no regret but now I’m left with an air of melancholy about it all. I think it’s a part of life in general I suppose. Things change and you have to adjust, you have to find positivity and hope in a different place, adjust your sights on a new goal and aim for that. Perhaps I am just feeling that strangest emotion of happy sadness. I had hope to return to ‘normality’ of working and cycling to work as though nothing ever happened and MS was a bad dream, I have come to the realisation that I may not be able to wakeup from this bad dream but I’m as sure as hell going to find something else to fight for, I just need to find it first!”

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stumbler
3 years ago

I can understand your feelings and sentiments.

Just be reassured that everyone’s life is a book, comprising of several chapters. You’ve now just closed a chapter and you’re ready to start the next one……… 😉


cameron
3 years ago

When I left work I would never have believed that my life would change so fundamentally. All for the good. I have different friends, my work colleagues having gradually lost contact. Life is in a different rhythym. The difficult thing is the transition period and I can’t honestly say when this came to an end. One little marker was seeing former colleagues socially and observing how very stressed they were. I came away thinking – they’re stressed and I’m not! In truth, I don’t suppose they were any more stressed then than they were when I was around. I just hadn’t noticed. Another ‘marker’ was the realisation that the day divides up very satisfactorily when you have ONE activity (e.g. a shopping trip) per day. I find that this is quite enough! A contrast from work, when I crammed all manner of tasks into leisure time. It leaves more time for meals, for reading the paper, for emailing/phoning friends and family and for internetting generally. All of which is enjoyable. So don’t panic, things will come OK but it can’t be done to order!


johnathanmac
3 years ago

@cameron Thanks for that, it made me feel better. To be fair after far too much wine and a bit of reflection I realise I can’t help it and I have to be a little selfish in concentrating on me, I rarely do this as I focus on others.

I suppose I feel guilty. I’m 26 and I so want to contribute, to work, to do it well and it’s annoying that I can’t. I don’t want to mooch off the system yet I know that if they give it to me then they agree I do t have that capacity to perform a job to the best of my ability.

It’s just another stage of acceptance and I need to come to terms with that.

Thank you again, it made a difference 🙂


angelbum
3 years ago

Hello there

I can totally relate to how you are feeling .

I have never actually worked a full time job only when I was 16 for a year in a care home . I then had various part time jobs over the years as a support worker in the community .

With this illness I haven’t felt able to work full time as when I relApse it can be for months

Then the relapses happen every year . So I start feeling better for a few months And think yes I feel ok I’m capable of working part time . Full time hours would kill me with the varying pain and fatigue on a daily basis .
The problem is I went back to work last year cause was feeling ok . My daughter now 2 so needed it for my mental sanity as well of getting out house and meeting new people etc.

So was thoroughly enjoy being back although only 2 nights 5 hours from 530 pm to 1030 pm but give me self satisfaction I loved helping others that weren’t physically able themselves but low and behold 6 weeks back to work guess what happens ….. I relApse again then have to call off work . Doesn’t look good when you just started back .

I felt very sad to have to give it up . People were depending on me to give them meds change catheters and make sure they were safe at night etc . Problem was perhaps it was me needing help in the end going through relapses are a nightmare !

I have now decided I can not work but certainly because I do not want too . I have thought of perhaps doing buying and selling online . That way if I get ill my not letting anyone down .


angelbum
3 years ago

It’s very frustrating not being able to work in the community especially when your a people person like myself ! There are many emotions that go with this also for me

I feel like a failure cause I know if it wasn’t for the darn illness I could have made something of myself !

The social aspect of working I miss

The not providing money part !

The disease takes a lot of way and it certainly isloated many including me

The frustrating thing is with relapsing remmitting there are times when you feel capable and can do things but you can’t ask an employer just to wait months till you come back !

So basically can be a rock and hard place .

We must find other things we can do to take are mind off it and remember we can only do our best 🙂 I do beat myself up about this a lot and all the other emotions that go with not being so capable .sucks !!!

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