I took this out of the diary I write in, I’m just looking for other peoples experiences. I’m curious as to the questions below and peoples changes due to MS.
How long did you hold on to the past?
What did you hold on to?
What did you make your new goal in life due to MS?
Did you have a conflict of emotion from the change?
Diary Entry – Friday 27th February:
“So yesterday I was terminated from my job. After 68 weeks of being ‘on the sick’ they have finally let me go. It was mutually agreed upon and I’m both happy a sad over it. I was great at my job, not my words. I had 7 years of service, managers even asked me for advice, I was a temporary Manager for 2 years, a trainer and mentor to new employees and even dabbled in the IT side and the administration side. I loved the people I worked with and the manager that overseen my termination was a man I had trained from scratch and mentored.
It hit me harder than selling my bicycle that I could no longer use. I liked to kid on with my wife that my bike was my mistress, I even gave it a name, I talked to her like a person and she would tell me when she was hurting so I could fix her. My work was the same, I knew it well and knew how to fix things when they are broken but both the managers who overseen my termination where genuinely sorry to see me go and that made it worse somehow.
I wanted my work to be short and sharp with me so I could remember the bad things about my work and I would feel no regret but now I’m left with an air of melancholy about it all. I think it’s a part of life in general I suppose. Things change and you have to adjust, you have to find positivity and hope in a different place, adjust your sights on a new goal and aim for that. Perhaps I am just feeling that strangest emotion of happy sadness. I had hope to return to ‘normality’ of working and cycling to work as though nothing ever happened and MS was a bad dream, I have come to the realisation that I may not be able to wakeup from this bad dream but I’m as sure as hell going to find something else to fight for, I just need to find it first!”
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