(formally known as cwpeace4)
So, I posted a while back about not wanting to tell family.
I have only told husband and sister-in-law who i’ve been friends with for 23 years.
I really felt I trusted her. She is one of the only people I would tell personal things to.
Last night I got a pocket dial (butt dialed) from her and it went to voice mail.
The voicemail picked up her talking to someone… about me.
Not fun to listen to.
The jist of it was her belief that I’m not “sick” and basically making it up.
The hurtful part is not in the words, but in the trust factor.
I don’t defend my physical problem and have always been known for being tough. I don’t bellyache about anything and even give information regarding MS as more scientific and factful when I talk with her about it and my symptoms.
But because my diagnoses is just probable at this point by both MS doc and her nurse, I didn’t feel need to tell anyone else.
And this is why. I think because I seem ‘fine’ and the fact that I limp and can’t run (I used to run races and rarely got the sniffles). But this physically hit me the past 1 1/2 years and only recently this past relapse his hard and I could hardly walk until I had the infusion treatment.
(I apologize for the long writeup).
What I’m getting to.. is THIS is why I don’t tell anyone anything remotely personal. I’ve always been known as the tough girl, the one who doesn’t cry, the level headed one who stays rather calm and handles stress, death, life and dramatic events with ease.
I immediately tried to call her and let her know that she called and if she was aware that her phone stayed on. She seemed nervous and in a hurry and rushed off the phone saying she had to do something.
I haven’t heard from her since.
I hate family dramas and rarely find myself in one. I do confront people if I feel it is important to do so and I pick my battles carefully, letting a lot of stuff go.
But this makes me feel terrible.
I could hear the sound in her voice that i’ve heard before when she has been talking about someone she thinks is full of shit or she doesn’t like much. I guess I never thought I was that person.
It’s hard enough for me to let people into my world… but even harder for me to forgive or pretend things are fine after someone has hurt me.
Enough rambling… I just feel bad.
I pride myself with being a honest, non-playing games kind of person who is also more into being kind instead of ‘right’.
I rarely discuss others unless there is a dang good reason and I don’t play along in peoples attempt at spreading gossip.
So when I hear it about myself … it hurts.
okay… feel better now.
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