Last reply 1 year ago
Hi

I haven’t been on this on a while , question or looking for guidance. I just found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant, 41 years young;- ) with 2 children 15 & 9 yrs. I had 12 new liason’s last year and mri 2 months ago informed me I have another 5 . To say I nervous is putting it mildly I’m absolutely terrified. My husband and have a rocky relationship he says he loves me but he has had very deep connection of love with a young girl 21 yrs younger than him and he wants to explore this when she gets back from her travels. I’m not sure what to do weather is should have this baby or not which believe is not easy for me to say that , but I’m concerned about my health what affect this pregnancy and labour will have on my body . I also don’t want to be left on my own with a baby and struggling to cope.

Add categories

Browse categories and add by clicking on them

You can remove current categories below by clicking the ‘x’.


stumbler
1 year ago

Hi @livi75 . I’m not sure if I have the right credentials to address your questions. I’m probably not even the right sex!

Anyway, let’s break this down. Is 41 too old to have a baby? Well, I don’t think so, but being male, what would I know!

How will pregnancy affect your body? Well, from an MS perspective, the hormonal changes during pregnancy should protect you from any MS progression. However, you need to be aware that there may be some post-partum rebound MS relapse activity.

Now, the rocky relationship doesn’t bode well for your MS, or for the future. Primarily, the stress of the situation is probably responsible for the increase in lesions on your recent MRIs. The fact that you’re aware of the other relationship must be adding to the pressure on you.

I cannot predict the future for your marriage. I just know from a male perspective that us blokes just never grow up!

Could you manage with another baby? I’m sure you could, with the support of your family. Your present children would be old enough to help out too.

So, have a word with your Doctor about the pregnancy. And, have a word with your Neuro about the progression of your MS, to discuss any future treatment for after the pregnancy.

I’m not sure this helps, but do you have any close family or friends you could talk to about this?

Hi @livi75,

It sounds like that is a tough situation you are dealing with. As @stumbler says, pregnancy seems to be pretty favorable for MS during the pregnancy, but I dont know how strong the evidence is, but I can send you a few links if you are interested. Another factor to consider is that if you make a decision that causes you guilt or depression could make your MS worse in the long run. I am glad you posted on here and really wish you all the best. Seems like you have a lot of things to think about besides MS as well. I am not sure if others have experience with situations like that, but relationships are hard and even harder with serious diease. I dont know if you have access to a counselor of some kind but I think they would likely be able to give you good advice on how to approach this situation. I am sure it would be helpful for your whole family. My kids are very similar in age to yours and when my wife was diagnosed we started looking for the type of counseling that would make sense. If finding a counselor is out of your budget range, I would consider a pastor at a local church or just someone with experience working through situations like this. We were thinking building some support with people you can trust might be a good thing to do now in case you need it later.


livi75
1 year ago

Thank you both @stumbler &@ californiadreamin
I did hear that ms’ers do better during 2nd & 3rd trimester of pregnancy but around 3 months after birth is the concern as that’s when your body can go back to as before or worse . My concern about my age well is a couple of things 1 – energy levels & 2 – health of the baby as their is a higher risk of birth defects with age . Would i be strong enough to deal with it if that if that was the case . I guess I could be and I hope I would be but how would the stress of that have on my body . I know my husband loves me and loves our children but I think he loves this young lady more . We did go to counselling years ago he didn’t really care for it but maybe now! ( I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask 😉 ) thank you both xx


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

Baby’s are awsome keep the baby and get rid of the husband tbh he sounds like a massive bell end sorry if that sounds blunt I’m from Yorkshire. 😂 your already stronger than you realise by the sounds of it don’t worry about it and get on with your life lass.


red-suzuki
1 year ago

@livi75…..helloooo, as @stumbler, @californiadreamin say, if there are or is a close to you folk, your kids, relatives, friends or councillor?…….you can get some help or maybe talk with & on what is happening to you& what your going through in your life….& as the ‘See it as it is, 007hud says, bite, the bullet & think & do whats good for you……urm, yeah, easier said that done…….. well all I can say, as another male, who really cannot begin to understand what you are going through, Here is my 2 penance worth……. years ago my sister has twins, after a bout of IVF, who now are coming up to their 8th birthday….She went through same sort of mirriad of thoughts & anguish ‘ am I to old”, ‘should I’, ‘shouldn’t I’ thoughts & feelings at the time…..& at 48…. .but to see how they have grown now……..well………is it right?, can’t awnser that…..all I could do was stand by her decision…..none of my business, but all I can say is, Sis has never looked back….& as as ‘the Hud’ says & you know, babies are awesome in their own way………Stay Strong Livi75….


monica2015
1 year ago

Hi @livi75,

I have not been active on this site for some time, but felt compelled to respond.

I can only comment upon what I would do in your situation. Having had one child and being dx when I was I was breast feeding and my son was a few months old after the most severe relapse I have experienced out of 75, I decided very, very reluctantly to have no more children.

My view will appear extreme and controversial, but given how aggressive my relapses have been subsequently since that particularly horrendous one, I have not doubted I made the right decision for me and for the family. My husband was and still is, aggrieved about it although he was in full agreement.

I have had so many relapses when I struggled to care for my son properly and the guilt will always stay with me, despite him being a very active, healthy and bright 12 year old now!

Do not under estimate the damage MS can wreak on your body and the risk of relapses 3-6 months post pregnancy which may or may not occur. Whatever decision you make, you will need a CONSIDERABLE amount of support and strength to be able to deal with a beautiful but demanding baby.

Your children are a little older so may be able to provide you with assistance but in my opinion you should proceed with the worse case scenario in mind regarding your husband and assess whether you can handle matters with your current support system and with extended family etc. Anything else is a bonus. Most will disagree with my thinking, but I’m simply saying this from one mother to another. Pregnancy itself is not easy and you will need as much practical and emotional support as possible.

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Monica
X

@livi75. Sorry for the delay in responding to your questions. Regarding ms coming back worse after pregnancy I think that matches what I read when left untreated. I think the appropriate dmt would be an important consideration for you.

Regarding having the strength or the risk to the babies health because of your age, all makes sense but I think you should really seek advice from someone that has a chance to talk more professionally with you.

Regarding the conselling I was thinking it would be important for you to have someone to discuss things with before making such a big decision regardless of if your husband is interested or not. It would likely be good for your older kids as well. My daughter broke down in tears on day at school (she is 12) There is just so much going on in their minds.

I have tried to keep all my opinions out of my replies (I had to erase a few lines) because I believe situations are usually more complex then a 100 words typed on a blog post.


zombiemomof5
1 year ago

I’m 39 and have 5children.I say congratulations on a pregnancy.My first 3 pregnancies helped my body out till about 6 months after they were born things went downhill.for the other 2 pregnancies they didn’t help at all.


livi75
1 year ago

Thank you all so much @doubleo7hud @red-sukuki , @monica2015 , @californiadreamin & @ zombiemomof5 .
I really appreciate you all taking your time to write to me I have been seriously struggling and try process all that is going on hence why I have not been on here for a while. So the update so far is my husband wants me have the baby but if the baby has any birth defects he wants me to get rid. He doesn’t want anyone to know about the pregnancy for obvious reasons. I have an appointment in the early pregnancy unit on Thursday morning not they can let us know of defects then as I’m only 8 weeks now. The thing is I already am looking pregnant so bloated my kids have said it to me too , which I of course laugh it off. I haven’t seen my family either as I’m afraid they’ll cope it too. My family would be so angry and hurt with me if I was to have an abortion. The thing is even though they would be upset they would say they would help me out no doubt but I live and hours drive from my family they never come down to me I always have to go up to see them so I just don’t hold much hope for then being here when & if I have the baby. I agree 100% babies do rock the longer I am pregnant the harder it is going to be if I have to have an abortion with or without birth defects. So for all my babbling
Wishing you all love

Join Shift.ms to reply to this post.

Become part of the community so you can chat, compare and learn from other MSers.