Last reply 9 months ago
Frustrating experience today…venting

I haven’t posted here in some time, I have been lurking in the back ground for the most part but today I had a confrontation which still has me absolutely livid. I’ve spoken to my partner but I’m not sure he really understands why I am so upset about it but perhaps everyone here will understand a little more…

My partner and I decided to go out for dinner tonight. I was too tired to cook after work and it was just easier to go to one of our favourite restaurants which happens to be close to Starbucks which I really enjoy but don’t visit often as most of the time it’s difficult to get a park close by and it’s a long walk if you can’t. After dinner we decided to drive by to see if there were any parks, if there weren’t I would have happily gone home but low and behold there was 1 disabled parking spot. I have a permit so we parked there. It’s still about a 500m walk but it’s along the beach so we took a nice slow stroll down, purchased a coffee had a rest before slowly walking back to our car… my partner and I recently got engaged so we’re still riding that high and we were having a great time.

When we reached our car my partner opened the door for me as he always does and let me hop into the car before getting in the drivers side.

As we started the car there was a loud banging on his window where a lady had appeared. He rolled the window down and the first question she asked was are either of you disabled…. I told her it was none of her business she then asked if I had a permit which was stuck to my windscreen so I pointed at it and said yes. She then asked my how I got it because she had a sister who was in a wheelchair and wanted to know how someone who could walk to their car could get a permit…. it was at that time that I told her I had MS and sarcastically apologised for not being disabled enough for her. She then proceeded to tell me that she was “just checking” and assumed I would be greatful for her acting as the disabled permit police and asked if it made me angry that people who don’t deserve disabled permits get them. I told her it did but that I also get angry when nosey old ladies with nothing better to do just assume that because I don’t look disabled that I am perfectly healthy. She then told us that she works with a lot of disabled people so she knows all about it. That’s when I told her she was probably pretty sh*t at working with disabled people, she could put my permit where the sun doesn’t shine and to get out of my car because she was leaning in it! My partner ended up having to roll the window up on her to get her to move back…

I have just found this SOOO frustrating! I really wanted to go back and give her a real piece of my mind…. why is her sister more deserving than I am? Why do people get to question my level of disability because I don’t have a wheelchair?! How is it fair that at 30 years old I have this disease that can’t be seen so people get to just assume I am well and healthy and am a bad person for parking in a disabled spot?! Why do I have to feel like I am doing something wrong every time I use a disabled spot because I know people are judging me?! And at the end of the day if her sister is in a wheelchair why does she even need a disabled spot of her able bodied sister can push her in the chair anyway?! And no, it wasn’t an extra wide spot that makes it easier for wheelchairs to get in and out….

I just can’t shake how angry this has made me!

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9 months ago

@ashory what a horrible situation – so sorry you had to experience this. I particularly hate the justification because she knows someone or work with disabled people gives her the right to be extra policing. The invisible symptoms are the worst – I experience that when I fly with assistance and show up to the person waiting with the wheelchair & they don’t believe it’s for me…
Unfortunately awareness raising works slowly & people like this will be around for a long time…I wish you strength to let it go & keep on being amazing

9 months ago

I am horrified every time I hear stories like this! It makes me very angry too! It always seems to be the oldies that are staring in disbelief that you have a blue badge. I’m sure someone said that their response to anyone like that would be to say “I’ll gladly swap with you and you can have the blue badge and my multiple sclerosis and see how you get on”. Could have been someone on this site but I thought it was a really good response. You just don’t need this attitude from ignorant jerks! (That’s what my 18 year old says anyway!).
Xx Loo – K

9 months ago

Hi @ashory,
If feel for you.
I’ve got a large chest and arms, legs don’twork for toffee.
Give them a Paddington bear stare !
Swear like a trooper with a Scottish scent, scare them to death or what I normally do is front them out and smile at the and say hello what would you like to know about my disability? I can help you understand what it’s like for myself.
They soon apologies and disappear.
Keep smiling.
It’s not worth the energy getting upset.

9 months ago

@ashory , your intrusive lady is going to question the wrong person one day. She will intrude upon someone, who shouldn’t be parking there. If that person has no respect for the disabled community, they’re not going to appreciate a busy-body poking their nose in.

And then they will get their comeuppance. And then there will be no winners……..

So, let this one go and enjoy being loved up. 😉

9 months ago

I think you should a) congratulate yourself on how you handled this and b) remember the quote that a friend of mine uses in many, many situations: ‘never overestimate the intelligence of the electorate’. This lady is clearly pretty thick.

9 months ago

I haven’t got a disabled parking permit because of those type of people. I am not in a wheelchair yet, but I can’t walk very far or very long. I can make it into the store and get a disabled scooter. If there isn’t one available I leave, I can’t begin to walk the huge stores we have in the US. You always see people checking out the drivers climbing out of cars in the disabled parking spot. They want to make sure your are handicapped enough to use it. we have had a lot of incidents of people yelling at handicapped parkers. My husband drops me at the door when were together, he is about to retire so I am not going to worry about the permit for now. Potter

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