I am 1 month post R1. I have been feeling good generally, the odd day here and there, a migraine and tiredness. But lately I started feeling bad and scared, and it’s been going on for 2-3 days now. I am wondering if I am the only one that feels this way really.. As in, am i the only one that freaks out after Lemtrada that it might not work? and if it doesn’t, what do i do? Or am i the only one that has this paranoid view that my MS cannot stop even though I know all the logic behind this treatment and how well it is supposed to work..?
I don’t know if any of this makes sense. I just turned 24 and it’s hard to deal with all of this. The unknown, the fear, anxiety. I was on antidepressants but I decided to stop them because it is not something that I want to take long term. I also have therapy once a week, but in the last week it didn’t help. I feel like I built up all my courage and my strength pre-lemtrada, used it all in the hospital during 5 days, and now my batteries are dead (I mean mental batteries, or feelings batteries) and I lost all my strength, courage, faith, hope.
I constantly hear people say “this is a marathon not a sprint” , “it’s not a cure” etc, and I know all of those things, but this is about how i feel about ms and lemtrada mentally and emotionally in the last 2 days, not about how I feel or want to feel physically. Even my MS nurse said that I need to try to relax, but how can i relax with my mind going a thousand miles per hour each day with a million questions, each one more frightening than the other? It’s the “what if”s that hurt the most I guess. And thinking “what if it doesn’t work?” instead of “But what if it does actually work?” ..
Sorry for the bad feels and poo post.. it’s just one of those evenings I guess.