Last reply 3 years ago
Do i need to see a psychologist ?

Idk how to handle moments and days when im down and i have no option but to take it out on my parents.
idk if i feel bad about it though, because they really not understanding.
Iv been diagnoisd with MS for just over a year now and they just think im overacting all the time.
Idk where and who i should channel this venting to whenever i feel this way.
should i see a psychologist to control the way i feel to get back to being optimistic and positive.
Im very open about my feelings toward my parents at everytime but somehow I feel they just dont get me. i also dont have patience cause i feel iv been educating them on MS over a year now and attend ms conferences with me and they would still be like “oh really, is that what happens?”
I know i should have patience with them – but i feel they dont take what i say seriously and its a constant repetition.
And then when you trying to be positive about life and your goals they always ready to shoot me down with some negative thing like ” but you dont have the energy or you not fit enough to do such a sport”
and i feel i work my butt off to do certain things just to keep up with my peers that dont have MS
and then you get told why ru doing such an such – Im like dude you paying so much for my provigil for me to reach my full potential in life now yet you shooting me down when i want to reach my goals that are so simple and normal thats nothing different to the next guy.
i know i have the whole i feel im entitled to use my parents to vent thing , but now i feel iv hit a road block and its probably going to make me feel sick.
I really feel i need a different way to get over my sad low times when i need to vent by another way and i dont know how .
I just want to be happy and move forward with my life without upsetting anyone and my MS.

I feel as though i need to put some safegaurds in when i feel this way but i dont know what and how.

its like i know better than my parents but somehow there disapproval brings me down and hurts how many times can i actually ignore there ignorance without exploding – i just feel i need safegaurds when im in this situation.
so i dont upset things and life around me and more importantly dont upset my MS.
iv come to realisation my parents are not going to change and i need to put safegaurds so i dont confront them anymore with any of my issues or use them as a source of approval. its like iv got to live life like i dont have them anymore cause they just going to upset my apple cart.

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stumbler
3 years ago

@naim , you may be the one who has the MS diagnosis, but it’s your whole family who suffer from it.

Your parents probably feel pretty helpless as they can’t feel what you feel. To be honest the only people who understand MS are those people who have MS.

And, yes, we all have a need to rant. We know that, so rant here, get it off your chest and keep your home life a bit happier for all concerned.


naim
3 years ago

i just want to keep everything harmonious for all concerned – and i guess that includes them as well.
thanks for the advice @stumbler always appreciated.


kasica
3 years ago

@naim Yes, you should. It will help you as much as your parents/friends. It’s easy to forget that they are as much in it as you. And what they do is their way of showing they care. Think about it: living with a chronically ill person is difficult. What do you say ever day? “You’ll be fine”, “Don’t worry”, or ask constantly how you are.

That’s what psychologists are for. You can vent and complain as much as you want and you don’t need to feel guilty for burdening your parents.

To be honest, even though I do have more “defined” problems, I’ve only recently started seeing a therapist. Somehow I didn’t see any sense before. Trust me, it helps.


naim
3 years ago

they dont live with me thank Gawd id go insane lol!
i think iv just overstepped my mark of entitlement and need to be more independent and stronger of mind and allow them to be as well. Its a constant battle for me in my head about respecting what your parents say and what you want to tell them lol!
eish but ya – i will get there – its all a process.
Im glad though that iv been through this and had shiftms to speak to about it lol – hopefully I will find peace from this convo the next time i feel the need to explode on them lol!


tiggermum
3 years ago

@naim – I regularly bite my tongue with my Mum (85) and my sister (61) who regularly feel far worse than me, with all sorts of aches and pains which must be worse than me. I regularly feel upset when my kids (32 and 30) dont ask how I am, but instead ask me to look after my grandson for a while.

Other people are selfish. Time to be selfish ourselves. Merry Christmas x


northernlass
3 years ago

Hi @naim I have been having a difficult time dealing with having a diagnosis of MS and was told that you can go online and self refer yourself to MIND who will hopefully help you to get support from a councillor. Still early days for me but I am looking forward to learning strategies on how to deal with things. Let us know how you get on. Best wishes and Merry Christmas 😀


naim
3 years ago

@tiggermum il remember to bite my tongue lets hope i have some left lol!#justjoking
#makeyouhappy1st #respect # appreciation #tonguebiting #;) #merryxmas #xx

Duplication removed {stumbler} 😉


naim
3 years ago

@northernlass will definitley check out MIND and keep you posted. for me i think the early days are the learning days i think im still learning though although iv been dignoised since May 2013. But i have to say through every stumbling block thus far in this process of finding myself in MS Iv learned something new through every speed bump and iv ensured it was a lesson learned – and i think its helps me grow and become a healthier more inspired human being . I have to say im mostly grateful to have met fellow MS people that share there experiences and advice with me #priceless #support #grateful #payingitForward #grateful #care #ShiftMs #<3 #MerryChristmas


cameron
3 years ago

One of the wisest things I ever had said to me was pre-MS, pre-pretty much everything! Someone told me ‘You’re always alone’. He wasn’t being nasty or cruel, but it is so true. Yes, there are always other people around, yes we rely on others, yes, we love others to bits BUT…. the reality is that there’s only you. Accepting this makes it easier somehow. And in my experience, the happiest people I know (with or without MS) are those who are independent in mind and spirit. Big hugs, keep cheerful, Kay


naim
3 years ago

@stumbler #sneaky #thanks #lol!


naim
3 years ago

@cameron the funny thing is that i am indepenent of mind with everyone else – i hardly see my family though im very independent but i like communicating its actually enough for me to just communicate we kinda have a better relationship that way ie. my parents an i lol!
but i dont think you can or should prepare yourself to be independent of mind from your folks.
becas people are here one day and gone the next. i guess il cross the bridge though when i get there and rise to the challenge then but i know subconsciously we all prepare for the day when you have no choice but to step up and be independent. i know where you coming from but i think for me personally it wll
be a robbery for me to be independent of mind from my folks – i am physically independent but dont want to actually be independent of mind. want to take full advantage of having them there in the present.
its kinda like a love hate relationship lol! and the thing is i value there opinion alot.
even if sometimes it requires me to take it with a pinch of salt.
because in my experience thus far they mostly right lol

they say when all else fails do what your mom told you to do lol!!

and i thing with regards to safegaurds in place for me – it would proabably be best stopping myself from exploding on my parents and just trying to value them more while we all have each other.

#deep #sigh #coulditbetheMSagain #lol!! #idk #hopeitlasts


denisa
3 years ago

@cameron – I totally agree with the fact that one must realise that we’re all alone in this life. It’s not about being alone in the woods, it’s more about being confortable with your own self, and try not to depend on others emotionally. Have confidence in your own person and get confortable in being alone. Have fun by yourself and enjoy your personality. In the end, others can only try to help us, but if you don’t find in you the resources to move on and get better, others might not even exist, because you are going to continue feeling miserable and upset. Once you are at peace with yourself and become your best friend (such a clichee, but it is true), what others say or do won’t affect you, as you know for a fact that you are who you are, you know your stuff, and they are by your side to help you go on with your life.

@naim – since my diagnosis, I too have struggled with the same issues as you. I documented on all things MS, explained all that needs to be explained about MS and its particularities, and yesterday my mum asked me: “what has MS have to do with the fact that you are stressed?” S-o, my dear @naim, parents will never understand (although at the surface they do) how this could happen to their child, why did it happen, and they will always be concerned about our well- being. Always. It’s their reason to be alive since they had us. But that doesn’t excuse them for being annoying, I know! :))))

@tiggermum – agree with being selfish. It’s not about not caring anymore about your friends and family, but realising that stressing about things they do or say, or doing things that you haven’t got the energy to do just because they need help, and they ignore your condition, doesn’t make your life better or fuller. You can help them most of the times, but you must have time for yourself and your issues.

@kasica – i thought of going to see a psychologist might help, and that i could learn ways to cope with all these issues. Meanwhile, venting here is a good thing, as @stumbler says :))

I found out that interacting with people here on shift ms really helps. It helps me when I have issues, and I hope it helps others through the answers I give them, the best I can.

I’m happy to have found this site, and although family and friends are nagging sometimes, they don’t need / deserve my vents, because sometimes they might not even understand me completely. Energy lost on the both sides. But here, The Energy is not lost, it helps us by just being here and trying to make our MS journey better.

Thank you! 🙂

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